Lagoon liquid runes
harbor profound power
adrift in deep wells
'kus are not really my area of expertise (I'm far too verbose!), but I do love that first line. I'm not sure the punctuation adds anything and for personal preference I'd have left out "the" in the second line, but the whole thing is quite profound -- and I certainly wouldn't argue with the depth of sentiment herein
Thanks Leanne. I took out the pause. 'The' is there for that darn 5-7-5 count (cop-out), but I shall look for something else or ditch it.
I like the repetition of first letters.
"Lagoon liquid"
"profound power"
(08-09-2013, 05:42 PM)newsclippings Wrote: [ -> ]I like the repetition of first letters.
"Lagoon liquid"
"profound power"
Thank you newsclippings. A little alliteration never hurts. I try use the 'Ku' as an exercise in saying something in tight constraint of size and 5-7-5 format. …although the purist would probably have my hide./Chris
(08-09-2013, 09:15 PM)trueenigma Wrote: [ -> ] (08-09-2013, 06:48 PM)ChristopherSea Wrote: [ -> ] (08-09-2013, 05:42 PM)newsclippings Wrote: [ -> ]I like the repetition of first letters.
"Lagoon liquid"
"profound power"
Thank you newsclippings. A little alliteration never hurts. I try use the 'Ku' as an exercise in saying something in tight constraint of size and 5-7-5 format. …although the purist would probably have my hide./Chris
Profound power is an abstraction that doesn't belong in haiku. And restricting yourself to the syllable count in English in about as ridiculous as saying Shakespeare didn't write sonnets, because he didn't use the 'proper' Italian form.
It's art, buddy. You're not transcribing an ancient scroll. The poem is interesting.
Knew that I'd draw a purest out of the woodwork, ha ha... Thanks for reading and commenting trueenigma! As stated, I use the 5-7-5 as an exercise only and make no Haiku claims. Abstraction belongs everywhere in my realm. This is a short form for me, many times to generate lines for other poems. Nonetheless, I may asked to be mentored in the pure form if my interest blossoms./Chris
Yes, thank you! I am up for another three line short form that says something as well trueE. I will be back. Cheers/Chris
No purity here either trueE. Got another short one coming...