Poetry Forum

I hope post a new thread means post a poem, don't know what i'm doing yet...


>>>
Cattails greening
at the edge of summer
I’ve been waiting for
that new beginning.

Drifting drifting
like a branch
in the cold river
just being afloat

seems that motivation
has been the blood
that’s drained out
of my very veins

waiting for the
life of the Cattails
again again.

My heart said
the words only
a month ago

“it will be alright
when the Cattails
green up, child”

you will begin
again to start
shooting up
like their green
into a doing being.

The prelude was
yesterday’s rainbow
indeed, indeed
with it’s bright
purple arch in
the bow
never before
did you know
such beauty.


Give yourself
a break, child!
it was the change
in your life’s routine
that did this horrible thing
- made you a sleeper
among the living;

made you an ethereal
ghost floating about
in the midst of spring
smelling, seeing
but not enjoying.

The Cattails greening
has brought you up
from under the bog.

The sky is blue
Jesus loves you
sing for Spring
and call to Summer

choose this new
beginning
despite the
obstacles.

Be…
the Cattails
are greening!

© Bianca

I loved this , The images were spot-on, as the mood it set. My only contention is the third stanza... I guess the mention of blood jerked me out of the general tone of the poem, even though I'm sure that's not how you meant it. Anyway, nice job with this one

yes that's the way to post a new poem Mimi.

i'm glad this is in mild crit
because i can't as such see anything wrong in it.

not sure the last three lines work for me, they feel a little forced.

the picture you paint feels real and rustic.
loved the 1st stanza. it was a good way to lead us into the poem
and the 2nd warmed us up to the rest.

not sure why but i i found these three lines to be the essence of what i think is a great read..

The Cattails greening
has brought you up
from under the bog.

>>
Thanks for ur comments, yes that stanza is my favorite as well.
and even though that last line could be better I'm big on that small word
BE
thanks

(05-22-2010, 08:25 AM)billy Wrote: [ -> ]yes that's the way to post a new poem Mimi.

i'm glad this is in mild crit
because i can't as such see anything wrong in it.

not sure the last three lines work for me, they feel a little forced.

the picture you paint feels real and rustic.
loved the 1st stanza. it was a good way to lead us into the poem
and the 2nd warmed us up to the rest.

not sure why but i i found these three lines to be the essence of what i think is a great read..

The Cattails greening
has brought you up
from under the bog.

[quote='Bianca Alabaster' pid='26286' dateline='1274484980']
>>
Thanks for ur comments, yes that stanza is my favorite as well.
and even though that last line could be better I'm big on that small word
BE
thanks

[quote]

>>
thnx Addy, ur comments are good.

(05-22-2010, 08:16 AM)addy Wrote: [ -> ]I loved this , The images were spot-on, as the mood it set. My only contention is the third stanza... I guess the mention of blood jerked me out of the general tone of the poem, even though I'm sure that's not how you meant it. Anyway, nice job with this one

I liked it. The last few stanzas are my favourites as they make an appropriate ending .