I give you the flower
So turn off the light
Do not be scared, it has special power
The power so bright
I give you the flower
A beautiful one;
So do not look so sour
It is not your darkest hour
It is within the flower
A magnificent power
It is within the flower: heaven's fruit
A glorious beaut'
Please keep my flower
My Dear
(05-28-2013, 01:23 AM)Sonata Wrote: [ -> ]You kept on coming back to the flower that allows the idea to grrow in the readers mind and become more powerful.
I let go of a flower
My dear
I give you the flower
So turn off the light
Do not be scared, it has special power
The power so bright -- What type of power
I give you the flower
A beautiful one;
So do not look so sour
It is not your darkest hour -- I think you can come up with more creative rhymes than hour and sour. 
It is within the flower
A magnificent power
It is within the flower: heaven's fruit -Heaven's fruit I immediately think of the apple in the Garden of Eden
A glourious beaut' - No need for this rhyme in my opinion but you are getting creative which I like
Please keep my flower
My Dear
I like that you kept mentioning the flower I would urge you to add more sensual detail. Thanks for posting. I hope you keep writing.
Thank you very much for your critique
Sometimes you need the simplest words to express your emotions, i felt a great need to write sour and hour, I could've came up with some extravagant words, but that's not the point.
That's the reason i wrote heaven's fruit, it should associate people of an apple from the Garden of Eden
Who taught you that everything you hear and know has to be exactly what you learnt? You are a smart person, I bet you have heard of symbols
Regards
Sonata
(05-28-2013, 01:23 AM)Sonata Wrote: [ -> ]I give you the flower (gave you?)
So turn off the light
Do not be scared, it has special power
The power so bright - This line seemed predictable
I give you the flower (gave?)
A beautiful one;
So do not look so sour-
It is not your darkest hour
It is within the flower
A magnificent power
It is within the flower: heaven's fruit
A glourious beaut' - glorious was spelled wrong ( you may have noticed, thanks to spell check I did)
Please keep my flower
My Dear
I'm new to this so bear with me!
Your poem leaves me itching for more imagery / explanation. I agree with you sometimes simple words are best for expressing yourself but I think its easy to get to simple. I like the last two lines.