Only knee deep the river was easily crossed.
The painted paper pinata I carried was full of success and satisfaction.
You gave me a job the real American dream.
The work was shelter for my Maria, and milk for my hungary babies. I was becoming the vision she had of me.
You made me a slave with your less than minimum wage.
I didn't mind because my family was safe.
You see, you and I, we helped each other.
Today when we stopped at the red light I heard the cry of “beeeeeaner” coming from a car full of teens.
I rolled up the window of my new crew cab Ford, turned my head and smiled at them.
Success?
Hi.
Nice to read your poem.
The first two lines refer to the exodus of a Mexican immigrant entering into United States illegally. I think the imagery of the "painted paper pinata" is good because it has a good word game and music.
In third line i see you compare American dream with a menial labor job which i think again is a critical irony.
Fourth line however throws me off.
Fifth and sixth line depicts your critical observation and also reveals a basic psychological state of an immigrant. His need for safety outweighs any other predicament in his life. You have called him a modern day slave and i must agree with you.
The last three lines adds a dramatic element to your poem. Ultimately the immigrants hard work pays off. You also seem to hint towards the decline in young America. The old values have died and they are left with nothing but ignorance. They seem immigrants in their own country, country their forefathers built.
We can see that you are questioning the idea of success.
Ultimately your poem spoke to me. It made me question between legal vs illegal, hard work vs entitlement, culture vs culture, men vs boys and life vs life.
@SanPan..
Thanks for the read.
Fourth line was the things an income provides.
You pretty much nailed my intentions in the poem..
thanks again for reading and the time you took to comment.
Awesome job.
the emotional response i arrive at with this poem is one of irony.
I use to work for a Greek Chef at a mall restaurant called Little Athens. The chef for 86 (now 90). I found myself being the teenage minimum wage Little Athens scapegoat.
I like the imagery of slave, as well as (potential) liberation in the form of a high powered truck. let me tell you in montana i see that imagery as another form of material slavery (aka i can get to where most truck want to get to in a chevy cavalier).
regaurdless loved the poem and the punk kids (myself included) thinking they have an accurate representation of post-modern upward mobility.
(05-21-2013, 11:07 PM)Bunx Wrote: [ -> ]Awesome job.
the emotional response i arrive at with this poem is one of irony.
I use to work for a Greek Chef at a mall restaurant called Little Athens. The chef for 86 (now 90). I found myself being the teenage minimum wage Little Athens scapegoat.
I like the imagery of slave, as well as (potential) liberation in the form of a high powered truck. let me tell you in montana i see that imagery as another form of material slavery (aka i can get to where most truck want to get to in a chevy cavalier).
regaurdless loved the poem and the punk kids (myself included) thinking they have an accurate representation of post-modern upward mobility.
Thanks for the read. It is interesting to see the memories and emotion the work pulls from those that choose to read. The writing of this piece was not easy because it speaks to an important issue from a perspective not thought of normally.
In no way do I criticize the plight of the immigrant laborer, their burdens I cannot relate....
With that said, your line
The painted paper piñata I carried was full of success and satisfaction.
If the person's past and culture (the painted piñata) is full of success and satisfaction, I am hesitant to think this person(s) would emigrate.
By success do you mean pride?
If you really mean success and satisfaction, explain to me (the reader) why this has led to their plight.
The success I refer to is that of reaching the point of crossing. The ordeal most face in Mexico, raising the money, dealing with the coyotes, etc. is hard for us to understand never facing those obstacles just to keep our families safe.
My personal feelings on a secure border are different than the person I write about however we all experience life from our perspective. I enjoy trying to see through the eyes of another in order to better understand why things are the way they are.
(05-30-2013, 06:36 AM)GDavid Wrote: [ -> ]The success I refer to is that of reaching the point of crossing. The ordeal most face in Mexico, raising the money, dealing with the coyotes, etc. is hard for us to understand never facing those obstacles just to keep our families safe.
My personal feelings on a secure border are different than the person I write about however we all experience life from our perspective. I enjoy trying to see through the eyes of another in order to better understand why things are the way they are.
Then my critique would be to clarify that point (success in making the crossing) in the line, as it reads differently.
And also, as a reader I would still like to know more about the reasons that moved this character to leave home, as it would seem to be an integral part of the poem's meaning and it is missing. One line would be enough, and you state reasons in your 'reply' that would work for this.