Khepri

[Tiger the Lion]

Khepri

Look at the dung beetle;

pushing his little ball of shit
in a perfect straight line
whatever obstacle or incline
might tempt him to veer.
 
The Milky Way his map,
his intent both simple and alien--
his godlike will
once worshipped.

Are you not more valuable than he?




*** with appropriate credit to Matthew 6:26

[TranquillityBase]

Khepri

Look at the dung beetle;

pushing his little ball of shit
in a perfect straight line
whatever obstacle or incline
might tempt him to veer.
 
The Milky Way his map,
his intent both simple and alien--
his godlike will
once worshipped.

Are you not more valuable than he?




*** with appropriate credit to Matthew 6:26

Really enjoyed this one, Tiger.  Last line left me in delightful quandary, since reading about the dung beetle in your poem made me feel that I’m not more valuable.

[Lizzie]

Khepri

Look at the dung beetle; -- Loving the Biblical tie in to the Egyptian myth -- right off the bat, you have the attention of this mythology nerd

pushing his little ball of shit -- Yes. Brings the mighty scarab god down to earth, so to speak -- makes me feel close to this little guy. I'm rooting for him now. 
in a perfect straight line -- As the Egyptians were master astronomers, I'm loving the space references 
whatever obstacle or incline
might tempt him to veer. -- I like how this piece is reading a bit like a parable -- teaching morals, but making you think. There's more than one possible lesson to be learned. 
 
The Milky Way his map, -- He's both grand and adorable. A relatable and approachable god, which is refreshing. 
his intent both simple and alien-- -- Here, I would consider something more obviously earth-related than 'simple' to contrast with 'alien,' unless there's something I'm missing.  
his godlike will -- If you really want to be edgy, you could capitalize Will. Some versions of the myth see the scarab god as representing Ra, and Ra is said to be self created by the force of his own willpower coming out of the void. Sort of an "in the beginning was the Word" kind of thing. 
once worshipped. -- might be an opportunity to show worship by referencing examples of Egyptian offerings to their gods 

Are you not more valuable than he? -- Wonderful ending. No easy answers here, just as with parables. As Neil Degrasse Tyson says, "Learn to love the questions." 




*** with appropriate credit to Matthew 6:26

I love everything about this. I can't remember where I read it, but, because scarabs lay their eggs inside the balls of dung, and the eggs are too small to be seen when they are laid, it appears as if the baby scarabs are emerging from the dung as if they are creating themselves. Fun fact.   

This one's a keeper.

[Tiger the Lion]

Khepri

Look at the dung beetle; -- Loving the Biblical tie in to the Egyptian myth -- right off the bat, you have the attention of this mythology nerd

pushing his little ball of shit -- Yes. Brings the mighty scarab god down to earth, so to speak -- makes me feel close to this little guy. I'm rooting for him now. 
in a perfect straight line -- As the Egyptians were master astronomers, I'm loving the space references 
whatever obstacle or incline
might tempt him to veer. -- I like how this piece is reading a bit like a parable -- teaching morals, but making you think. There's more than one possible lesson to be learned. 
 
The Milky Way his map, -- He's both grand and adorable. A relatable and approachable god, which is refreshing. 
his intent both simple and alien-- -- 

Here, I would consider something more obviously earth-related than 'simple' to contrast with 'alien,' 

Wow, you nailed it! I spent and hour hating the word "simple" but couldn't find the right word. My best prospect is "earthed" at this point. Thanks for confirming that juxtaposition was incomplete! unless there's something I'm missing.  

his godlike will -- If you really want to be edgy, you could capitalize Will. Some versions of the myth see the scarab god as representing Ra, and Ra is said to be self created by the force of his own willpower coming out of the void. Sort of an "in the beginning was the Word" kind of thing. 
once worshipped. -- might be an opportunity to show worship by referencing examples of Egyptian offerings to their gods 

Are you not more valuable than he? -- Wonderful ending. No easy answers here, just as with parables. As Neil Degrasse Tyson says, "Learn to love the questions." 




*** with appropriate credit to Matthew 6:26

I love everything about this. I can't remember where I read it, but, because scarabs lay their eggs inside the balls of dung, and the eggs are too small to be seen when they are laid, it appears as if the baby scarabs are emerging from the dung as if they are creating themselves. Fun fact.   

This one's a keeper.

Thanks for your insights Lizzie. Very helpful for me to stand back and look at it as a whole. 

grounded
earthy
earthed
simple
native

those are my inclinations so far. Pretty impressed you plucked the one word that is giving me fits.
Paul

[Lizzie]

I'm thinking that you might need to change the structure of the words around it a little bit. I like the way that earthen sounds with alien, but if you say any of the earth-ish words next to "both"...let's just say it would be hard to read this piece at open mic night. Just say "both earthed" five times in a row.

An idea would be to take the Milky Way map idea and change "intent" to something more nautical (going with the whole solar boat image). Along the Nile, the earth is silt from the annual floods. So, for instance, you could say:

The Milky Way his map,
navigating silt and star

I does occur to me that there's no verb in the second stanza, so the replacement for "simple" may hinge on what action you choose.

[Tiger the Lion]

I'm thinking that you might need to change the structure of the words around it a little bit. I like the way that earthen sounds with alien, but if you say any of the earth-ish words next to "both"...let's just say it would be hard to read this piece at open mic night. Just say "both earthed" five times in a row.

An idea would be to take the Milky Way map idea and change "intent" to something more nautical (going with the whole solar boat image). Along the Nile, the earth is silt from the annual floods. So, for instance, you could say:

The Milky Way his map,
navigating silt and star

I does occur to me that there's no verb in the second stanza, so the replacement for "simple" may hinge on what action you choose.

because scarabs lay their eggs inside the balls of dung, and the eggs are too small to be seen when they are laid, it appears as if the baby scarabs are emerging from the dung as if they are creating themselves.

This is more or less what I was trying to explore in the line in question. "Simple" referring to a bit of dinner, "alien" referring to the unusual birthing. It's a lot to cram into one line, but I'm going to keep trying. If the damn beetle can multitask, then so can I.