For All the Things That Cannot be Changed

[Lizzie]

For All the Things That Cannot be Changed

When I set the table tonight, I left you 
a bread knife to slice the turkey. 
It appears as if
I've misplaced the carving tools, then put out
the rough and rumpled linens whose fibers resist 
the iron. Fragility of mind, no doubt.
I forgot the butter for your place setting,
while an ample glass of Prosecco welcomes my hand;
you're going to have to reach over me
for those potatoes. A heavy gravy 
keeps the table runner pinned;
smooth and dark, 
it covers all sins.

[Knot]

Hi Lizzie,
I enjoyed the middle, in fact I'd enjoy more of it. They voice, particularly that 'no doubt' is nicely sharp. I don't think the opening line is needed, and the ending (which arrives too soon) feels a little too predictable. It's the phrasing, not the thought. Actually, it's the thought, but just a little. Seems a trifle late to be suggesting that the meal itself was ... poorly prepared. Of course, if you were to expand the middle, and include some of the foods inadequacies? Drop some hints, but only hints, as to the wider context.

Did you consider couplets?

Apparently I've misplaced the carving tools,
left a bread knife for you to slice the turkey.

And those rough and rumpled linens I put out
are ...? (not the one's your mother brought us?)

Fragility of mind. No doubt. That's why
I forgot the butter for your place setting

not sure about that 'while' (while an ample glass) - it doesn't flow that well after butter, feels like you could include another 'mistake' between the two (maybe N could have burnt something here?)

while an ample glass of Prosecco welcomes my hand.
You're going to have to reach over me ................ I think this arrangement is a little funnier (the 'drunk' inference a bit more extreme.)


Best, Knot

.

[TranquillityBase]

For All the Things That Cannot be Changed

When I set the table tonight, I left you 
a bread knife to slice the turkey. 
It appears as if
I've misplaced the carving tools, then put out
the rough and rumpled linens whose fibers resist 
the iron. Fragility of mind, no doubt.                      Absence (?)
I forgot the butter for your place setting,
while an ample glass of Prosecco welcomes my hand;    but (?)
you're going to have to reach over me
for those potatoes. A heavy gravy 
keeps the table runner pinned;
smooth and dark, it covers all sins.      I wonder if some different adjectives would be good here; smooth and dark could also refer to the gravy, or is it the gravy?
it covers all sins.

My 2 cents.

TqB

[Wjames]

For All the Things That Cannot be Changed

When I set the table tonight, I left you 
a bread knife to slice the turkey. 
It appears as if I don't know think this line adds anything to the poem, it could be cut imo.
I've misplaced the carving tools, then put out
the rough and rumpled linens whose fibers resist 
the iron. Fragility of mind, no doubt. I think you cutting the 'the' at the beginning of this line would make it a bit tighter.
I forgot the butter for your place setting,
while an ample glass of Prosecco welcomes my hand;
you're going to have to reach over me
for those potatoes. A heavy gravy 
keeps the table runner pinned;
smooth and dark, 
it covers all sins. These last seven lines are lovely. 

I really enjoyed this, Lizzie - 'you're going to have to reach over me for those potatoes.' is a line that can be buried in the brain and dug up whenever one needs to smile. It is strengthened by the line that surround it as well.

[Quixilated]

For All the Things That Cannot be Changed

When I set the table tonight, I left you  This line break is fantastic. 
a bread knife to slice the turkey.  The narrator isn't making things easy for this person, but then the reader also notices the that the turkey-carver is implied to be somehow stuck with this less than optimal option.  The scene (like the table) is set with what isn't there--why can't the turkey-carver just get up and get a better knife? 
It appears as if   This line break is uncomfortable for me, but I don't know how to put into words why that is. 
I've misplaced the carving tools, then put out  I can't help feeling like they were misplaced intentionally ... there is a cold war between the lines.
the rough and rumpled linens whose fibers resist  Tablecloths are so bothersome. I can picture this table vividly because I love tablecloths but I hate ironing, so mine are always a bit wrinkled, even if I fold them right out of the dryer.  I refuse to iron them, so rumpled is just how it's got to be.  
the iron. Fragility of mind, no doubt.  Based on the tone of the poem, I feel like the narrator's 'excuse' might be quoting something often said to the narrator by the turkey-carver.  Or perhaps I'm reading too much into it.  
I forgot the butter for your place setting,  the phrasing implies that the butter was not forgotten for the other place settings ... also that the forgetting was intentional. And yet, why can't the turkey-carver just get their own butter?  Why is the forgetting of the butter such a big deal?  What kind of cold war is this? (Rhetorical questions, just making observations).
while an ample glass of Prosecco welcomes my hand; And here is a turning point for the reader.  Up until this moment, one could assume the narrator is the underdog in this scenario, that the turkey-carver is in a completely authoritarian control and that all the little 'forgettings' are the narrator's subtle/not-so-subtle attempts to push back.  But this line changes that story.  We still don't know why the turkey-carver isn't responsible for getting their own knife and butter, but the narrator is not meek and helpless, not with an 'ample glass' in hand after all of that. 
you're going to have to reach over me  I love this line.  The narrator will make the entire dinner, will set the table, but won't even pass the potatoes.  There is a line drawn between doing what must be one's 'duty' and doing anything even remotely helpful on a personal level.  
for those potatoes. A heavy gravy 
keeps the table runner pinned;  And, I imagine, a heavy silence keeps the participants pinned uncomfortably to this shared meal. 
smooth and dark, 
it covers all sins.  Implying the potatoes need covering for some reason we can only guess.  But also implying the narrator and/or the turkey-carver have some things that could use a good coat of gravy. 

I don't really have suggestions for change, it's a fantastic poem.  I explained how the poem reads to me and what impressions it gives.  If these things were your aim, then success.  If not, then perhaps edit the lines that were not meant to read that way.  (Though multiple readers might read the same line many different ways, so only do that if others also say the same things).  Either way, hopefully it's helpful on some level. 

I don't care for the shortness of the 'it appears as if' line. I think the semicolon after 'hand' could be a period. If the 'fragility of mind' line is in fact the narrator quoting back to the turkey-carver something they have said to the narrator, then perhaps put it in quotes to drive that home.  

Thank you for sharing this poem and welcome back! 

--Quix

[Mark A Becker]

Hello Lizzie-

Enough suggestions have been offered, so I'll just give a few impressions:

I imagine a heavy silence as 'smooth and dark' as that gravy hangs over this table.  I can almost hear the thin, yet exaggerated sound of silverware clinking. The undercurrent of passive aggression is palpable in this one. I would've been a very, very uncomfortable dinner guest. 

I also imagine that all of the dialogue is happening inside the mind of the N, or at least that's my reading. For me this is a spooky poem- a kind of 'dinner of the dead'.

Good job,
- Mark

[Lizzie]

Thanks so much for your feedback, everyone! Much appreciated 

[Fearful Symmetry]

I know this one’s been sitting for a minute but I’ve decided to comment anyway. Since no one is bursting through the door to stop me, it seems likely that I’ll succeed. 

My first thought after reading this was “Oooo that was really good.”

For All the Things That Cannot be Changed

This title doesn’t feel on the money to me. It seems more suited to an ode, or a piece written as an anti-ode. My first thought was The Last Supper or The Sacrament of the Last Supper…but they’re really a bit on the nose, aren’t they, and deflate that superb ending. Instead, my vote is for “Sidet’ na Chemodanakh”. It’s a Russian custom that literally means “sitting on suitcases”. In practice, it’s a short time of quiet contemplation taken before leaving on a trip/journey. 

When I set the table tonight, I left you 
a bread knife to slice the turkey. 
It appears as if

If this is a very intentional line break, like the first line, the intention is lost on me. To me “It appears as I’ve misplaced/“ would read more naturally. 

I've misplaced the carving tools, then put out
the rough and rumpled linens whose fibers resist 
the iron. Fragility of mind, no doubt.

I would suggest cutting the mention of the linens. Moving straight from “tools.” to “Fragility of mind, no doubt.” It reads like the resistance is meant to carry some symbolism but without the rest of the piece treating the other items similarly (until the end) it feels out of place. 

I forgot the butter for your place setting,
while an ample glass of Prosecco welcomes my hand;

I think these two lines would be more in tone with the rest of the poem if they were two separate sentences, each ending with a period, cutting “while” — avoiding that “run-on description” kind of feeling. 

you're going to have to reach over me
for those potatoes. A heavy gravy 
keeps the table runner pinned;
smooth and dark, 
it covers all sins.

This is a really wonderful poem. I loved the ending. Fantastic work.