Games

[galaxitchi]

So, I’m trying to learn meter. It’s confusing, but I had the idea to listen to a song and try to write with it..I’m not really sure if that’s like..ethical or what..sooo

nail your flyers for bloodshot buyers
blue ribbon bait for all latent liars
timeless stakes kill the ego games
clear stadiums of sin and shame

play the truth again, it’s printed in my skin
drawn by the architect, living in my flesh
my simple wish for you, that you’ll win it too
a treasure so complete, it competes for you.

[Mark A Becker]

So, I’m trying to learn meter. It’s confusing, but I had the idea to listen to a song and try to write with it..I’m not really sure if that’s like..ethical or what..sooo

Hi galaxitchi-
First off- anything in poetry is ethical.
Now, as for meter- listening to music is a great idea to obtain a sense of rhythm.  You must read your poem aloud to get a sense of the rhythm, and hear if it fits your intention. Your voice, and your rhythm are more important than any strict meter.

Basic meters:
iambs -/ -/ -/  I saw a flower bloom  each iamb -/ is called a foot
trochees /-/-/-  tiger! tiger! tiger!
dactyls /-- /-- /--  one of those sinister animals 
anapests --/ --/ --/  twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
spondees  //  blood shot 

I highly recommend a book called Writing Poems by Bob Wallace and Michelle Boisseau.  It is the one that I've used for a couple decades.

I've scanned your poem and bolded the accents:

nail your flyers for bloodshot buyers  accents in a row are called spondees
blue ribbon bait for all latent liars
timeless stakes kill the ego games
clear stadiums of sin and shame  I really like this line

play the truth again, it’s printed in my skin  and this one, too
drawn by the architect, living in my flesh not rhyming here was smart
my simple wish for you, that you’ll win it too
a treasure so complete, it competes for you.

Rhyming is fine but don't let it control your poem, and what you want to express. This one has some interesting lines.

Hopefully others will add more comments, as well.
Mark

ps. don't be afraid to post in a crtique forum: varying degrees of 'heat' from BASIC to MILD to INTENSIVE. There all many good guidelines and tips at the front of the site.

[galaxitchi]

So, I’m trying to learn meter. It’s confusing, but I had the idea to listen to a song and try to write with it..I’m not really sure if that’s like..ethical or what..sooo

Hi galaxitchi-
First off- anything in poetry is ethical.
Now, as for meter- listening to music is a great idea to obtain a sense of rhythm.  You must read your poem aloud to get a sense of the rhythm, and hear if it fits your intention. Your voice, and your rhythm are more important than any strict meter.

Basic meters:
iambs -/ -/ -/  I saw a flower bloom  each iamb -/ is called a foot
trochees /-/-/-  tiger! tiger! tiger!
dactyls /-- /-- /--  one of those sinister animals 
anapests --/ --/ --/  twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
spondees  //  blood shot 

I highly recommend a book called Writing Poems by Bob Wallace and Michelle Boisseau.  It is the one that I've used for a couple decades.

I've scanned your poem and bolded the accents:

nail your flyers for bloodshot buyers  accents in a row are called spondees
blue ribbon bait for all latent liars
timeless stakes kill the ego games
clear stadiums of sin and shame  I really like this line

play the truth again, it’s printed in my skin  and this one, too
drawn by the architect, living in my flesh  not rhyming here was smart
my simple wish for you, that you’ll win it too
a treasure so complete, it competes for you.

Rhyming is fine but don't let it control your poem, and what you want to express. This one has some interesting lines.

Hopefully others will add more comments, as well.
Mark

ps. don't be afraid to post in a crtique forum: varying degrees of 'heat' from BASIC to MILD to INTENSIVE. There all many good guidelines and tips at the front of the site.

That’s such a helpful reply, thank you! Especially seeing the accents in my poem, I don’t think I could have picked them out, although seeing them bolded, now I see it!

[TranquillityBase]

So, I’m trying to learn meter. It’s confusing, but I had the idea to listen to a song and try to write with it..I’m not really sure if that’s like..ethical or what..sooo

nail your flyers for bloodshot buyers
blue ribbon bait for all latent liars
timeless stakes kill the ego games
clear stadiums of sin and shame

play the truth again, it’s printed in my skin
drawn by the architect, living in my flesh            my favorite lines
my simple wish for you, that you’ll win it too
a treasure so complete, it competes for you.

It's honorable of you to study meter.  It's an element of poetry I've always ignored as it seems to add a mechanical requirement that seems artificial to me.  And all my favorite poets (with one notable exception) are free verse writers.  But I admire writers who are able to incorpoate it into their poems.  Definitely, it adds music to the poem.

Anyway, as to your poem, it does seem like the rhyming is determining to some extent what you've written.

As Mark said, it's probably essential that you read your poem aloud and use that simple step to sound it out and see if it sounds right, reads smoothly.  Though I confess, it's not something I do as routinely as I should.

TqB

[galaxitchi]

So, I’m trying to learn meter. It’s confusing, but I had the idea to listen to a song and try to write with it..I’m not really sure if that’s like..ethical or what..sooo

nail your flyers for bloodshot buyers
blue ribbon bait for all latent liars
timeless stakes kill the ego games
clear stadiums of sin and shame

play the truth again, it’s printed in my skin
drawn by the architect, living in my flesh            my favorite lines
my simple wish for you, that you’ll win it too
a treasure so complete, it competes for you.

It's honorable of you to study meter.  It's an element of poetry I've always ignored as it seems to add a mechanical requirement that seems artificial to me.  And all my favorite poets (with one notable exception) are free verse writers.  But I admire writers who are able to incorpoate it into their poems.  Definitely, it adds music to the poem.

Anyway, as to your poem, it does seem like the rhyming is determining to some extent what you've written.

As Mark said, it's probably essential that you read your poem aloud and use that simple step to sound it out and see if it sounds right, reads smoothly.  Though I confess, it's not something I do as routinely as I should.

TqB

Oh, that’s interesting! I think I also prefer free verse. Yea, I see it now, how I was less writing a poem and more making rhymes, lol. I’d like to learn meter, but I could see myself doing the same thing maybe..awkwardly trying to make things fit..hm, I wonder, if you could just drill basic meters into your head, that it would kind of flow naturally in a meter, or close to it..