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[Bunx]

How does this make sense,
feeling guilty for fragility?
Quick to run away from yourself,
a crowd cheers agility.

What is a sentence, what is exile?
Any place you have to stay awhile.
Dancing in a scenery of lessons.
Or maybe a theater of regression.

I don't want to know I'm your mistake.
Our time was far from fake.
Remaining friends even in a far off place.

What ever happened to always being proud,
of the music I write?
Parting ways but rooting each others lives?

Transparent boy toy turns invisible, man!
At least he won't try to say hi again.

[rowens]

You, Bunx, can get away with a poem like this.

You can put it in an album sleeve.

As for the critique:
Your lines all always stronger before the rhymed next one.
"Dancing in a scenery of lessons" is the kind of line that makes poems.
Don't give in to the bouncing need to rhyme.
I know why you do it, here. You do it like a shrug.
Well, this, well tis.

You know?

[Bunx]

Rowens reading this again out loud I definitely hear the rhyming as a shrug. A call and response kind of.

I'll definitely keep the rhyming critique in mind next time I write. Thanks for the feedback, it been good to practice writing again

[TranquillityBase]

How does this make sense,
feeling guilty for fragility?
Quick to run away from yourself,
a crowd cheers agility.                      the crowd cheers your agility (?)

What is a sentence, what is exile?
Any place you have to stay awhile.
Dancing in a scenery of lessons.
Or maybe a theater of regression.    that's really a theater of regression (?)

I don't want to know I'm your mistake.
Our time was far from fake.
I never was mean, upset, or a flake.   I feel like this line needs reworking, the sentiment made more serious

What ever happened to always being proud,
of the music I write?
Parting ways but rooting each others lives?  not sure how this line relates to the previous line

Transparent boy toy turns invisible, man!           why the comma?
At least he won't try to say hi again.

There's something to like in every stanza of this poem and the poem as a whole reads nicely.

[Bunx]

Tranquility - thanks aton for the feed back.
The comma is a effort to make that line a figure of speech.
I'll make an effort to make the rest of the poem a lil more concise.

Thanks of the read and hope you're solid!

[Bunx]

How does this make sense,
feeling guilty for fragility?
Quick to run away from yourself,
a crowd cheers agility.

What is a sentence, what is exile?
Any place you have to stay awhile.
Dancing in a scenery of lessons.
Or maybe a theater of regression.

I don't want to know I'm your mistake.
Our time was far from fake.

What ever happened to always being proud,
of the music I write?
Parting ways but rooting each others lives?

Transparent boy toy turns invisible, man!
At least he won't try to say hi again.