Ironic Haiku

[brynmawr1]

A blue flower bloom
soaked in orange summer sun
hopes for the grey rain.

[Semicircle]

A blue flower's bloom   ..Cut the apostrophe
basks in the orange summer sun   ..We all know which sun it is.
waiting for rainfall.    

Clever haiku. 

It is subtle enough to not be ironic in the title.

[TranquillityBase]

A blue flower's bloom
basks in an orange summer sun
waiting for the rain.

Doesn't "orange" add one syllable too many?  Also, I've just never seen an orange sun, except maybe at dawn or sunset.

What about "dry summer sun".  That would lead into "waiting for the rain"?  Otherwise, I'd change last line, adding maybe another color.

TqB

[Valerie Please]

A blue flower's bloom
basks in an orange summer sun
waiting for the rain.

Doesn't "orange" add one syllable too many?  Also, I've just never seen an orange sun, except maybe at dawn or sunset.

What about "dry summer sun".  That would lead into "waiting for the rain"?  Otherwise, I'd change last line, adding maybe another color.

TqB

I like the flow of orange summer sun though and the orange sun makes sense to me . . . could also say "hot orange sun" to keep the summer feeling. "Bright orange sun" "Burnt orange sun" "Fierce orange sun" 

I am championing the orange sun, but you should probably say "dry summer sun"

[brynmawr1]

A blue flower's bloom
basks in an orange summer sun
waiting for the rain.

Doesn't "orange" add one syllable too many?  Also, I've just never seen an orange sun, except maybe at dawn or sunset.

What about "dry summer sun".  That would lead into "waiting for the rain"?  Otherwise, I'd change last line, adding maybe another color.

TqB

Hi TqB,

Details, details.  It's funny, I say 'orange' with one syllable....'ornge' so I didn't catch it.  I might rethink the last two lines a bit.  Not sure why I get myself into these things.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Bryn

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A blue flower's bloom
basks in an orange summer sun
waiting for the rain.

Doesn't "orange" add one syllable too many?  Also, I've just never seen an orange sun, except maybe at dawn or sunset.

What about "dry summer sun".  That would lead into "waiting for the rain"?  Otherwise, I'd change last line, adding maybe another color.

TqB

I like the flow of orange summer sun though and the orange sun makes sense to me . . . could also say "hot orange sun" to keep the summer feeling. "Bright orange sun" "Burnt orange sun" "Fierce orange sun" 

I am championing the orange sun, but you should probably say "dry summer sun"

Hi VP,

I like the orange summer sun too, but rules are rules.  Although I can not call it a haiku and I'm good!
Take care,
Bryn

[Quixilated]

You could remove ‘an’ if you want to keep orange. The sun does seem to enjoy trying on every shade from buttercup yellow to lava red, especially if you live in an area where the sky is affected by distant wildfire smoke. My sun has been a very odd shade of reddish orange recently. It wouldn’t seem weird at sunset surrounded by sunset sky, but it was a lava-red sun in the middle of a blue sky afternoon. Anyway, ‘orange’ works for me, and ‘an’ doesn’t seem too vital if you want to extricate a syllable.

[brynmawr1]

You could remove ‘an’ if you want to keep orange.  The sun does seem to enjoy trying on every shade from buttercup yellow to lava red, especially if you live in an area where the sky is affected by distant wildfire smoke.  My sun has been a very odd shade of reddish orange recently.  It wouldn’t seem weird at sunset surrounded by sunset sky, but it was a lava-red sun in the middle of a blue sky afternoon.  Anyway, ‘orange’ works for me, and ‘an’ doesn’t seem too vital if you want to extricate a syllable.

Thanks Quix.  Took your advice and TqB's and made some changes.  Maybe I'm done?
Bryn

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A blue flower's bloom   ..Cut the apostrophe
basks in the orange summer sun   ..We all know which sun it is.
waiting for rainfall.    

Clever haiku. 

It is subtle enough to not be ironic in the title.

Hi SC,
Good tips, especially the first line.  Hope the end result works.
Take care,
Bryn