In the desert

[busker]

In the desert

At night, the days
return, like waves 
on the sea
of Time, friendless companion.

At night, you are
close to me. Immutable,
like a cycling star -
a cloud to cloud
and grave to grave
eternity,
my endless companion.

[CRNDLSM]

I like 'cycling star' and the friendless/endless companion. I think your biggest issue here is the combo 'like waves on the sea' and 'sea of Time'. I don't quite get the cloud to grave jump either. Look forward to seeing where you go with this

[TranquillityBase]

In the desert

At night, the days
return, like waves 
on the sea
of Time, friendless companion.

At night, you are
close to me. Immutable,
like a cycling star -
a cloud to cloud
and grave to grave
eternity,
my endless companion.            My favorite lines.

I have trouble with "cycling star", mainly the word "cycling" as I'm not sure what kind of cycle you are referencing (and I also keep seeing Lance Armstrong).  I like the build up in each stanza and the ending.  

[dukealien]

In the desert

At night, the days
return, like waves 
on the sea
of Time, friendless companion.

At night, you are
close to me. Immutable,
like a cycling star -
a cloud to cloud
and grave to grave
eternity,
my endless companion.

Sticking neck out a bit here since I don't quite comprehend the work...

With "you" in S2, this seems to be addressed to someone - Time, personified (or companionated).  

Following that interpretation, the thought that time is *like* eternity is interesting... might have a stop, as eternity does not.

"Immutable,/like a cycling star" seems at first contradictory, but something which cycles eternally is, in that, immutable:  its regular alterations don't change.  (Put me in mind of the flashing red "I'm running" dot on my alarm clock, my own little pulsar of many sleepless hours.)  Hmmm... perhaps "pulsing" in place of "cycling?"

Not to overthink, but while expressive, neither "cloud to cloud" nor "grave to grave" quite make sense when taken literally and out of context.  This could be rectified by "cloud by cloud and grave by grave," but that seems to make it less individual.  The current simplicity is good, but could this be a place to insert something specific to the desert?

The verse-ending rhyme/repetition is effective.

Finally, the title:  It's essential in setting the mood and context.  It might be informative to work in some descriptive desert imagery not so much to make the title unnecessary as to make the space available for a more summarizing idea, perhaps.

Just some thoughts.  Good read.

[busker]

Thanks, folks
I see that it’s become more cryptic than I intended
The cycling star and clouds, in particular - it was intended to be a reference to star clouds and supernovae leading back to them, from the grave of one to another

The identity of the endless companion shouldn’t be hard to guess in that context,, particularly in the spiritual desert of the modern world, but the reference to Time may be muddying matters somewhat.

Overall, it hasn’t quite succeeded in its intent

[Mark A Becker]

Hi busker-

In the desert

At night, the days
return, like waves interestingly quizical opening
on the sea  'on the sea of Time' seems a bit worn
of Time, friendless companion. the poem seems to be built on the two bolded rhymes, and they're good ones.

At night, you are
close to me. Immutable,
like a cycling star -  not sure 'cycling' is the right word
a cloud to cloud   really good from here to the end
and grave to grave
eternity,
my endless companion.

[rowens]

There is always this You. 

At night, the days
return, like waves 

Days return,
like waves
of the sea.


on the sea
of Time, friendless companion.

At night, you are
close to me. Immutable,
like a cycling star -
a cloud to cloud
and grave to grave
eternity,
my endless companion. 


At night, you.

Like a cloud. Like a grave.

My immutable companion. 




.........................



You're always such a clever beau, busker. 

Don't get mad at me. You know that milo fellow wouldn't let you get away with so many abstractions.


...................



I would.
I will.

I think you can salvage this poem with words you got.