DeSade, 1814

[TranquillityBase]

DeSade, 1814

DeSade at least knew 
the kingdom of lust
to be a faery land,
its spirits, Nature’s secret police.
He couldn’t stop writing those dreams
because he was a criminal mind
in an age before the criminal
became the second guess
in every blister of sex.
From prison to insane asylum
he charted out our world to come,
the pain that goes before us
the expelled breathlessness of pleasure
never sated, that haunts us 
more than death could ever hope.
First they took away all paper and pens,
then they forbid performances,
leaving him with only a 14-year old
to console him in his final years.

[brynmawr1]

DeSade, 1814

DeSade at least knew 
the kingdom of lust
to be a faery land,
its spirits, Nature’s secret police.
He couldn’t stop writing those dreams
because he was a criminal mind
in an age before the criminal
became the second guess
in every blister of sex.
From prison to insane asylum
he charted out our world to come,
the pain that goes before us
the expelled breathlessness of pleasure
never sated, that haunts us                    My favorite lines, although maybe cut 'could ever hope'
more than death could ever hope.
First they took away all paper and pens,
then they forbid performances,
leaving him with only a 14-year old
to console him in his final years.

Hi TqB,
Saucy subject.  I feel like you changed the ending at some point.  Either way, I think ending at hope is better and that the section in green would go better earlier with some adjustment.  I was a little confused by the sections in red.
bryn

[TranquillityBase]

DeSade, 1814

DeSade at least knew 
the kingdom of lust
to be a faery land,
its spirits, Nature’s secret police.                
He couldn’t stop writing those dreams
because he was a criminal mind
in an age before the criminal
became the second guess
in every blister of sex.
From prison to insane asylum
he charted out our world to come,
the pain that goes before us
the expelled breathlessness of pleasure
never sated, that haunts us                    My favorite lines, although maybe cut 'could ever hope'
more than death could ever hope.
First they took away all paper and pens,
then they forbid performances,
leaving him with only a 14-year old
to console him in his final years.

Hi TqB,
Saucy subject.  I feel like you changed the ending at some point.  Either way, I think ending at hope is better and that the section in green would go better earlier with some adjustment.  I was a little confused by the sections in red.
bryn

Thanks for giving it a read and a critique.  

Agree about moving final lines up into poem, and I'm not surprised you find some of it obscure; so do I.  Need to work on those ideas, once I figure out what I'm trying to say.

DeSade has been a fascination since I saw the film Marat/Sade many years ago.  I've read a lot about him, and tried to read most of his major works, though I've never got to the end of any of them.  I think I need to focus on what interests me (his life) and steer away from trying to bring any of his philosophy, if that's what you want to call it, into the poem.  I see him as an experimental writer, going as far as he could in his peculiar direction.

[busker]

Nice twist at the end.
Though 14 wasn’t as young back then, when boys joined the army at 15
Shouldn’t it be ‘forbade’?