Raging in my mind

[brynmawr1]

Raging in my mind
unsure in its direction
an anxious wind yowls

In My Mind

An anxious wind yowls
unsure in its direction
certain of its fury.

Outside

An anxious wind blows
unsure in its direction
certain of its fury.

[TranquillityBase]

Outside

An anxious wind blows
unsure in its direction
certain of its fury.

I have the urge to replace unsure with uncertain, how do you feel about that repetition?

[brynmawr1]

Outside

An anxious wind blows
unsure in its direction
certain of its fury.

I have the urge to replace unsure with uncertain, how do you feel about that repetition?

Too many syllables.  Trying to write a haiku.  How do you feel about the 'in' rather that 'of'?  Also thought of changing the title to "In My Head" or "Through the Trees" or "Over the Pond".  Thanks for reading and commenting.
Bryn

[Mark A Becker]

Outside

An anxious wind blows
unsure in its direction
certain of its fury.

I have the urge to replace unsure with uncertain, how do you feel about that repetition?

Too many syllables.  Trying to write a haiku.  How do you feel about the 'in' rather that 'of'?  Also thought of changing the title to "In My Head" or "Through the Trees" or "Over the Pond".  Thanks for reading and commenting.
Bryn

Hi Steve-
A title change to "in My Head" is better (though I'm not a fan of titles for haiku).

The challenge of ftting into the 5-7-5 count always feels a bit unnatural to me, but it helps force me into precise word choices.

The 2nd line is many times the most difficult line.

"anxious wind' is a great little phrase, but consider another single syllable word for "blow", since we all know that the wind blows; every word counts.  "stops" maybe ?

haiku is another way of saying of saying 'drive you coo-coo'.  But it's fun to attempt them.

Thanks for this one,
Mark

[brynmawr1]

I have the urge to replace unsure with uncertain, how do you feel about that repetition?

Too many syllables.  Trying to write a haiku.  How do you feel about the 'in' rather that 'of'?  Also thought of changing the title to "In My Head" or "Through the Trees" or "Over the Pond".  Thanks for reading and commenting.
Bryn

Hi Steve-
A title change to "in My Head" is better (though I'm not a fan of titles for haiku).

The challenge of ftting into the 5-7-5 count always feels a bit unnatural to me, but it helps force me into precise word choices.

The 2nd line is many times the most difficult line.

"anxious wind' is a great little phrase, but consider another single syllable word for "blow", since we all know that the wind blows; every word counts.  "stops" maybe ?

haiku is another way of saying of saying 'drive you coo-coo'.  But it's fun to attempt them.

Thanks for this one,
Mark

Thanks Mark.  I will see what I can come up with. Stay tuned!
Steve

[Mark A Becker]

In My Mind

An anxious wind scurries
unsure in its direction
certain of its fury.

Hey Steve-
The title change is good, as it reinforces the anxious wind/mind metaphor.

I don't think 'scurries' is the word you're looking for.  There are planty of other verbs to show how the wind might act.

You are closer to a solution.

Patience,
Mark

[brynmawr1]

In My Mind

An anxious wind scurries
unsure in its direction
certain of its fury.

Hey Steve-
The title change is good, as it reinforces the anxious wind/mind metaphor.

I don't think 'scurries' is the word you're looking for.  There are planty of other verbs to show how the wind might act.

You are closer to a solution.

Patience,
Mark

Thanks mark.  Too many choices.  Gets me lost in all the subtle possibilities.  Kind of getting away from my original intent of just describing a gusty day when the wind was playing havoc with my patio.
later,
steve

[TranquillityBase]

In My Mind

An anxious wind yowls
unsure in its direction
certain of its fury.

I dig "yowls" 

[Mark A Becker]

In My Mind

An anxious wind yowls
unsure in its direction
certain of its fury.

'yowls' is the correct word

In the spirit of the form (no titles), you could easily rearrange this one to include the title:

? ? in my mind  You just need a 2 syllable word here- I would suggest one, but it's not my poem.
unsure in its direction
an anxious wind yowls  This should be the penultimate line.

[brynmawr1]

In My Mind

An anxious wind yowls
unsure in its direction
certain of its fury.

'yowls' is the correct word

In the spirit of the form (no titles), you could easily rearrange this one to include the title:

? ? in my mind  You just need a 2 syllable word here- I would suggest one, but it's not my poem.
unsure in its direction
an anxious wind yowls  This should be the penultimate line.           Do you mean ultimate line? Otherwise, needs two more syllables, as well.

Hmmmmm....
Easily is a subjective word!
'drive you coo-coo' indeed.

[Mark A Becker]

In My Mind

An anxious wind yowls
unsure in its direction
certain of its fury.

'yowls' is the correct word

In the spirit of the form (no titles), you could easily rearrange this one to include the title:

? ? in my mind  You just need a 2 syllable word here- I would suggest one, but it's not my poem.
unsure in its direction
an anxious wind yowls  This should be the penultimate line.           Do you mean ultimate line? Otherwise, needs two more syllables, as well.

Hmmmmm....
Easily is a subjective word!
'drive you coo-coo' indeed.

Oops- meant ultimate, as in last.
There are a couple of ‘…ing’ two syllable verbs that would work in the first line that are synonymous with ‘fury’.

---

Raging in my mind
unsure in its direction
an anxious wind yowls

Way to go Steve!
I believe you've nailed it.

[brynmawr1]

'yowls' is the correct word

In the spirit of the form (no titles), you could easily rearrange this one to include the title:

? ? in my mind  You just need a 2 syllable word here- I would suggest one, but it's not my poem.
unsure in its direction
an anxious wind yowls  This should be the penultimate line.           Do you mean ultimate line? Otherwise, needs two more syllables, as well.

Hmmmmm....
Easily is a subjective word!
'drive you coo-coo' indeed.

Oops- meant ultimate, as in last.
There are a couple of  ‘…ing’ two syllable verbs that would work in the first line that are synonymous with ‘fury’.

No Hints!

Thought of 'raving', 'fuming', storming....I'm sure there are more.  Oh-gnashing is fun.
Thanks for your input.  Fun exercise!

[Mark A Becker]

... gnashing is fun.
Thanks for your input.  Fun exercise!

Also note that this 5-7-5 poem is a senryu (about people), and senryu is often confused with haiku (about nature).  Yours actually incorporates a bit of both by using the mind/wind metaphor to compare the wind (nature) with what's going on in your mind (people).

I think the gnashing proved to be worth it. 

You wound up with a good one, 
Mark

[brynmawr1]

... gnashing is fun.
Thanks for your input.  Fun exercise!

Also note that this 5-7-5 poem is a senryu (about people), and senryu is often confused with haiku (about nature).  Yours actually incorporates a bit of both by using the mind/wind metaphor to compare the wind (nature) with what's going on in your mind (people).

I think the gnashing proved to be worth it. 

You wound up with a good one, 
Mark

Ugh, so many rules.  I would like to remind that it did start as a haiku, only wind, until I changed the title and the rest is history.
Thanks again,
steve