A Brother's Grip

[Mark A Becker]

A Brother's Grip

You’re like an old dog
wagging its tail at my door,
begging to come in,

but my drunken feet struggle
in the too early morning,
so I shuffle back

undercover- nearly hear
your bottleneck slide in
a solo, under my pillow-

still feel the familiar grip
of your hand; the stinging whip
of your tongue.

Watching your silent movie
unspooling on the ceiling,
it’s hard to picture you gone.

Brotherly Love

You’re like an old dog
wagging its tail at my door,
begging to come in,

but drunken feet struggle
in the too early morning,
so I shuffle back undercover.

I thought I could hear you
playing guitar, sliding in
under my mind-

my ears become dumb bells,
the weight of you doubled
inside my head.

Your shadow leans in too close
to my pillow, catching my breath,
asking if you can borrow it.

I can almost feel the strong grip
of your hand; the stinging
whip of your tongue.

Watching your silent movie
unspooling on the ceiling,
it’s hard to picture you gone.

p.s.- With a nod to a poet named mandolyn. 

[TranquillityBase]

Brotherly Love

You’re like an old dog
wagging its tail at my door,
begging to come in,

but drunken feet struggle
in the too early morning,
so I shuffle back undercover.

I thought I could hear you
playing guitar, sliding in
under my mind-

my ears become dumb bells,
the weight of you doubled
inside my head.

Your shadow leans in too close
to my pillow, catching my breath,
asking if you can borrow it.

I can almost feel the strong grip
of your hand; the stinging
whip of your tongue.

Watching your silent movie
unspooling on the ceiling,
it’s hard to picture you gone.




p.s.- With a nod to a poet named mandolyn. 

Hi Mark,

Multiple readings brought forth these comments:

The title:  "brother" seems an essential word for the title, but "brotherly love", usually meant in the wider sense of love for all fellow humans, doesn't seem right.  I don't have any alternatives to suggest.  I struggle with titles for poems.

The poem seems to begin with a memory, then slide into a present day dream.  I guess I'm just wondering if that's how you meant it to be?

"my ears become dumbells":  the more I read that line, the more cartoonish (and out of step) it seems.  Again, I don't have alternatives to suggest, just noting my reaction to it.

Other than those few comments, the poem seems like a finished piece to me.

Tim

[Mark A Becker]

Hi Mark,

Multiple readings brought forth these comments:

The title:  "brother" seems an essential word for the title, but "brotherly love", usually meant in the wider sense of love for all fellow humans, doesn't seem right.  I don't have any alternatives to suggest.  I struggle with titles for poems.

The poem seems to begin with a memory, then slide into a present day dream.  I guess I'm just wondering if that's how you meant it to be?

"my ears become dumbells":  the more I read that line, the more cartoonish (and out of step) it seems.  Again, I don't have alternatives to suggest, just noting my reaction to it.

Other than those few comments, the poem seems like a finished piece to me.

Tim

Thanks Tim-
you confirm the two things that I'm least happy about. 
Mark