Seasons Along the Potomac

[Mark A Becker]

Along the Potomac

blossoms crescendo
woodwinds swelling pink and white -
Jefferson conducts

awakened at dawn
songbirds fill the summer sky -
cool blue sheet music

dark clouds gathering
at the edge of the cornfield -
a murder of crows

iced in and cut off
powerless in winter’s grip -
rain like razor wire

[TranquillityBase]

Seasons

blossoms crescendo
woodwinds swelling pink and white -
Jefferson conducts                           

awakened at dawn
songbirds fill clear summer skies -
cool blue sheet music

dark clouds gathering
at the edge of the cornfield -
a murder of crows

iced in and cut off
powerless in winter’s grip -
rain like razor wire

Pretty much gorgeous, Mark.  I think a more specific title, like Virginia Seasons (or wherever), would prepre the reader better for what's coming.

[Bunx]

Love this idea, it's a random thought but it reminds of music people compose, that incorporate sounds recorded from out and about.

Though I feel like the poem also reflects the ideas one could feel during a full composed song.

Thanks for the read

[Mark A Becker]

[quote="Mark A Becker" pid='262746' dateline='1672671944']
Pretty much gorgeous, Mark.  I think a more specific title, like Virginia Seasons (or wherever), would prepre the reader better for what's coming.

Yes Tim,

I have changed the title to better reflect a sense of place, and changed the order to winter-spring-summer-fall.

Also changed "clear" to "the", as that adjective kept tripping up the rhythm.  'Clear' also seemed redundant with the last line.  Changed 'skies' to the singular 'sky' because the plural just didn't seem right. I think that 'sky' works better with 'cool blue...' (implying a single sheet of music/sky).   

While it may not matter to anybody but me, tinkering is one of my favorite hobbies, as you can see.

Didn't do the 'Previous Versions' tag as the first version is shown in the comment by you.

[TranquillityBase]

While it may not matter to anybody but me, tinkering is one of my favorite hobbies, as you can see.

Off topic but who are your favorite poets?  

[Mark A Becker]

Off topic but who are your favorite poets?  

Hey Tim - A few that come to mind: Margaret Atwater, Gwendolyn Brooks, Lucille Clifton, ee cummings, Rita Dove, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, Kahlil Gibran, Louise Gluck, Langston Hughes, Stanley Kunitz, William Matthews, William Carlos Williams...
... And though they're both gone now, Jack (the dog), and Merlin (the cat)

[Tiger the Lion]

[quote="Mark A Becker" pid='262746' dateline='1672671944']
Pretty much gorgeous, Mark.  I think a more specific title, like Virginia Seasons (or wherever), would prepre the reader better for what's coming.

Yes Tim,

I have changed the title to better reflect a sense of place, and changed the order to winter-spring-summer-fall.

Also changed "clear" to "the", as that adjective kept tripping up the rhythm.  'Clear' also seemed redundant with the last line.  Changed 'skies' to the singular 'sky' because the plural just didn't seem right. I think that 'sky' works better with 'cool blue...' (implying a single sheet of music/sky).   

While it may not matter to anybody but me, tinkering is one of my favorite hobbies, as you can see.

Didn't do the 'Previous Versions' tag as the first version is shown in the comment by you.

I think I prefer the original order. The transition from razor wire to blossoms is too jarring. Although it might work with spring as the last section. Still jarring, but with a hopeful end. Enjoy your tinkering.

[Mark A Becker]

I think I prefer the original order. The transition from razor wire to blossoms is too jarring. Although it might work with spring as the last section. Still jarring, but with a hopeful end. Enjoy your tinkering.

Thanks Paul,
I see what you mean, and I agree.  Wanna keep the seasons in order, but don't have to start from the first of the year (winter in my area).

[TranquillityBase]

Hey Tim - A few that come to mind: Margaret Atwater, Gwendolyn Brooks, Lucille Clifton, ee cummings, Rita Dove, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, Kahlil Gibran, Louise Gluck, Langston Hughes, Stanley Kunitz, William Matthews, William Carlos Williams...
...  And though they're both gone now, Jack (the dog), and Merlin (the cat)

I only know a couple of those closely.  So many poets, so little time.  Thanks for mentioning ee cummings.  I started his Complete Poems at some point, and find I got about half way.  Maybe time I took him up again.  A good antidote for this Wasteland stuff I'm reading.

[brynmawr1]

Along the Potomac

blossoms crescendo
woodwinds swelling pink and white -
Jefferson conducts

awakened at dawn
songbirds fill the summer sky -
cool blue sheet music

dark clouds gathering
at the edge of the cornfield -
a murder of crows

iced in and cut off
powerless in winter’s grip -
rain like razor wire

Hi Mark,
No suggestions.  Just wanted to drop in to say thanks for sharing.  Well done.
steve