LPiA-22 Nov. 8
Let's Pretend it's April - Nov. 8

Rules: Write a poem for LPiA on the topic or form described. Each poem should appear as a separate reply to this thread. The goal is to, at the end of the month have written 30 poems for the month of November. 

Topic : Write a poem about a tool or household appliance they may or may not have caused you a nervous breakdown. 

Form : Bonus points for clever breakdowns in form. (slant rhymes, missing feet, etc.)
Line requirements: 7 and a half to 13 and a half

Feel free to reply with comments or kudos as you wish. 


A reminder that everyone is welcome to participate, and that 4 in 30 days is better than zero in 30 days. Game on. 

Also, a reminder that you can catch up as you wish. 

A million knots to tie, a million ways
to bind the arms and legs, to twist and flex,
to fill with bone and flesh an antique chest
then abnegate one's breath to brine, to sate

an ageless itch: so in which pit of hell
are kept the bloody batteries? or else
had rank abuse been held for proper use?
Was there a gear misplaced? A wire made loose?

Oh heaven! to be reduced
to digits in this age
or slip the rubber in
without its requisite

vibration---rage! Sing,
goddess, of a dried-out spring---
Three machines

Our washing machine stopped spinning
So we'd squeeze dry it all by hand
It still took too long to dry them
At least four rounds through the dryer
We'd hang them to air dry too cause
Our washing machine stopped spinning.
So I took all my clothes to work.
I swear to God their machine broke 
It still took too long to dry them,
I had bags of sopping wet clothes
That would mildew before theyd dry
Our washing machine stopped spinning
But our good friends heard our struggle
and gifted us their old washer
It still took too long to dry them
Hauling it up three flights of stairs
Knocked it off balance and broke it
Our washing machine stopped spinning
It still took too long to dry them.
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches
The most maddening of household appliances
without any doubt is the toaster
it refuses to form any useful alliances
with morning or evening or even the taster.

Its buttons and dials lead only to defeat
it always burns the bread beyond recognition
produces only smoke and carbonized wheat.
Karl Marx didn’t live to make a deposition

that its only purpose is to be the workers’ cyanide:
to drop it into one’s bath
transcend the means of production by suicide
a sizzling last laugh.

Water creeps
   dripping leaks
                like tangled veins.
                            Breached defense!!
                                    Down it rains!
                                    Down it rains!!

      No matter the amount
  duct tape always
turns loose

   to few towels
to sop up the
                Neck Wringing Wet

Some years ago I wound up staying at my sister’s house
alone with                             the dishwasher.
It was a mad machine         which would run a perfect
cycle, then        start over again         and again.

If you stopped it fearfully    there would          be
sloshing inches of gray        water under       dirty
                                     But what drove me
              (to fretful hand washing)
were the times it
        just started
              by itself           
                                   very late at night.
feedback award Non-practicing atheist
The Unravelling

In the house I grew up in
we had a wall phone
in the kitchen
mounted about shoulder-high 
and equipped with an unusually long
curlicue cord that dangled
almost to the linoleum floor.

Mom would get it tangled so bad 
that me or my dad 
would have to stand up on a chair 
and let gravity
slowly spin 
the receiver
back to its proper place.

The night he tore it from the wall
I barely looked up from my plate.
It might as well be
because I am helpless
against the force
of gravity
when trying to use
a simple screwdriver
to screw up
over my head.
It was Easter
the sacrifice
done? There's
vegetables to 
slice. No need
to use the guard
as advised. No
pain only a gentle
tug as flesh parted
we have ten, so...

I could relate
the trip to the ER
to stop the bleeding.
I needed a rabies booster anyway.

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