Baker and not Brewer Be - edit
#1
Baker and not Brewer Be


I always like to see black families
in my development, a leavening
of some escaping downcast miseries
and others not, charmed in our gardened ring.

Without them we would sag, a doughy mass
of uniformly flabby flour-white bread
among our lawns of weeded, watered grass–
fat, sun-hatted against neck-rings of red.

Perhaps without enfolding dough their yeast
would just ferment and sour them down to death
in alcohol and Envy, green-eyed beast
that strangles every unselfconscious breath.

Or are such neighbors only counters showing
my tolerance?  Perhaps - there’s just no knowing.


original version;

I always like to see black families
in my development, a leavening
of some escaping downcast miseries
and others not, charmed in our gardened ring.

Without them we would sag, a doughy mass
of uniformly flabby flour-white bread
among our lawns of weeded, watered grass–
fat, sun-hatted against neck-rings of red.

Perhaps without variety their yeast
would just ferment and sour them down to death
in alcohol and envy, green-eyed beast
that strangles every unselfconscious breath.

Or are my neighbors only counters showing
my tolerance?  Perhaps - there’s just no knowing.

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#2
(09-23-2022, 04:17 AM)dukealien Wrote:  Baker and not Brewer Be


I always like to see black families
in my development, a leavening
of some escaping downcast miseries
and others not, charmed in our gardened ring.

Without them we would sag, a doughy mass
of uniformly flabby flour-white bread
among our lawns of weeded, watered grass–
fat, sun-hatted against neck-rings of red.

Perhaps without variety their yeast                          our?
would just ferment and sour them down to death      us?
in alcohol and envy, green-eyed beast
that strangles every unselfconscious breath.

Or are my neighbors only counters showing
my tolerance?  Perhaps - there’s just no knowing.

Duke,

I was a little confused by the pronouns in s.3 as I assumed they referred to s. 2.   Or to the "leavening"?

I'm simply puzzled by last two lines.  Does "neighbors" include the leavening or not?

Thanks for the read.  An interesting way to consider the topic.  I especially like s.2.

TqB
“All persons, living or dead, are entirely coincidental.”  Kurt Vonnegut
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#3
edit;

I always like to see black families
in my development, a leavening
of some escaping downcast miseries
and others not, charmed in our gardened ring.

Without them we would sag, a doughy mass
of uniformly flabby flour-white bread
among our lawns of weeded, watered grass–
fat, sun-hatted against neck-rings of red.

Perhaps without enfolding dough their yeast
would just ferment and sour them down to death
in alcohol and Envy, green-eyed beast
that strangles every unselfconscious breath.

Or are such neighbors only counters showing
my tolerance?  Perhaps - there’s just no knowing.




Thanks to @TranquilityBase for the precise critique - to me it was obvious all references to "them" traced back to the subject at the top of the poem, but it's not.  I was a programmer and read things oddly sometimes.   Changes made accordingly.
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