Hotel bar
#1
Tempted by the healthy hand
that leads to smooth departure.
Contemplations resting at the bottom of 
clairvoyant liquor.
Whether luck has struck its cord--
a matter of conjecture.

The walk alone proves
my settlement--
you should've known better.
"Whenever is a really long never"
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#2
(09-21-2022, 05:06 AM)Semicircle Wrote:  Tempted by the healthy hand.       I like the alliteration here, but healthy hand seems to conflict with what comes next. Haunted hand? Or similar? Or is someone else pouring him the drink? 
that leads to smooth departure.
Contemplations resting at the bottom of 
clairvoyant liquor.      I enjoyed the word choice and sense you were aiming to avoid "bottom of a bottle" cliche, but it does deviate, somewhat distractingly, from the rhythm of the first stanza. 
Whether luck has struck its cord--  "chord" assuming the allusion is to the musical term and not to a physical cord. 
a matter of conjecture.

The walk alone proves
my settlement--
you should've known better.

SC- The iambic pentameter is well constructed in the 14 syllable opening stanza. Consider whether to modify following lines to match. My sense is that it would strengthen the piece. Even if you choose not to stay in strict iambic pentameter, keeping the syllable count consistent will contribute significantly to the readability of the piece. Enjoyed the read- thanks!
"What I want in poetry is a kind of abstract photography of the nerves, but what I like in photography is the poetry of literal pictures of the neighborhood." -John Koethe
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