Beach Vacation
#1
Today I woke early
to dawn's fertile horizon
blooming a flower mature.

Bees such as me,
on the shore,
buzz with adoration.
Reply
#2
(08-01-2022, 11:57 AM)brynmawr1 Wrote:  Today I woke early
to dawn's fertile horizon
blooming a flower mature.   I imagine an orange sun nestled between tropical hills.

Bees such as me,
on the shore
buzzing their adoration.    Drop the "ing"

Sorry for lack of critique, these were the only things that occured to me.

Cheers for the read,
Sc
"Whenever is a really long never"
Reply
#3
(08-01-2022, 12:55 PM)Semicircle Wrote:  
(08-01-2022, 11:57 AM)brynmawr1 Wrote:  Today I woke early
to dawn's fertile horizon
blooming a flower mature.   I imagine an orange sun nestled between tropical hills.      Only the tropics of Delaware, I'm afraid!

Bees such as me,
on the shore
buzzing their adoration.    Drop the "ing"

Sorry for lack of critique, these were the only things that occured to me.

Cheers for the read,
Sc
Hi Sc,
No need to apologize.  Just a little thing that occurred to me.  I agree with your comment.
Take care,
bryn
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!