Virtuality
#1
Virtuality

Though
this ground
now holds me
pulls my blood in
calls me down loudly
to bear my bones proudly
I’m logging out of my skin
forsaking worldly attractions
breaking free of gravity’s pliers
to awaken beyond reach of the stars
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#2
A nice progression. How would it work with "embrace" in place of "pliers?"

Also, might this go (I don't say belong) in Poems About Suicide? Stay with us, Mark!
feedback award Non-practicing atheist
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#3
(07-26-2022, 08:07 AM)dukealien Wrote:  A nice progression.  How would it work with "embrace" in place of "pliers?"

Also, might this go (I don't say belong) in Poems About Suicide?  Stay with us, Mark!

HA! This one is not about suicide, but I guess that is left to the reader.  That said, it is about the modern tendecy for folks to slip away into virtual worlds.  And I fear that as virtual reallity becomes even more "realistic" that the problem will only get worse.

As the N in this poem is speaking, the weight of each line is increasing, in opposition to the N's desire: so instead of escaping, we sometimes unwittingly become further trapped.  Or something like that.

Since this is MISC, I thought that a bit of 'splaining would be OK.

If I substitute 'embrace" for "pliers" is doesn't read as cleanly, for me. Plus, I thought that "gravity's pliers" just sounded cool, and that "pliers" has a more negative implication than "embrace", since N is trying to escape the hold that real life has, not "embrace" gravity. 

blah, blah, blah, nuff said already...
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#4
(07-25-2022, 09:56 PM)Mark A Becker Wrote:  Virtuality

Though
this ground
now holds me
pulls my blood in
calls me down loudly
to bear my bones proudly
I’m logging out of my skin
forsaking worldly attractions
breaking free of gravity’s pliers
to awaken beyond reach of the stars

If you were famous, like Biden, and this’d been your suicide note, what a day it’d have been for poetry!
World leader, secret poet, writes death poem and commits Sepukku at press conference 

Nice march of syllables
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