Then and Now
#1
Divorce Fallout

wedding ring
on my finger
marks
the aching heart
vacantly.

heart aches
from the vacant mark
where my wedding ring
used to be.

Then and Now

Then:

The wedding ring
on my finger
used to mark
my aching heart
vacantly.

Now:

My heart aches
from the vacant mark
on my finger
where my wedding ring
used to be.
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#2
(06-21-2022, 05:00 AM)Torkelburger Wrote:  Then and Now

Then:

The wedding ring
on my finger
used to mark..........You don't need to say it 'used to' because it happened 'then'
the aching heart ....... personal preference, I like to keep pronouns to a minimum; they seem at odds with the narrative sometimes.
vacantly.

Now:    .................... I don't think the 'then: now:' is needed. The difference between the stanzas are plain.

My heart aches
from the vacant mark
on my finger.............. it is implied that the wedding ring is on the finger.
where my wedding ring
used to be.

"Then and now" is not much of a draw for a poem like this, it's on the same level as "cause and effect" which is somewhat vague.

Thanks for the read Torkelburger, and welcome back!

Sc
"Whenever is a really long never"
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