Ladies Night
#1
Ladies Night

Honky tonk heroes
knocking back pitchers of beer
bulging belt buckles.

Geared up in the parking lot
hot blooded rods burn rubber.

Inside, on the floor
dancers fall in line, in step
drinks wobbling in hands

their lines bend then nearly fall
when the band goes double time.

When the songs slow down
everybody saunters up-
"that's the way love goes"

cheeks press deep against shoulders
new found lovers grinding hips

roaming hands wander
under where steamy desire
melts her cheating heart.

Pedal steel to the metal
high lonesome harmonies ring

a thick bass line throbs
as the kick drum drives the beat 
Telecasters scream

Mississippi saxophone
filling in with throaty moans.

Ladies sing along
“help me make it through the night” 
falling for last call.

She stopped loving him today
found another song to play.
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#2
I like this, Mark. Is it five tankas, maybe? Strong images and some great alliteration too. My favourite stanza has to be no. 8, for the rhythm 'n' rhyme  Thumbsup
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#3
Hi leaf-

Thanks. I may have been editing this one "live" as you were commenting, so I'm not sure which S.8 you mean by now. You are correct- this is tanka and when the form involves multiple "players" it becomes renga. I was the only player on this one, though, so it's a one-man-band.

Mark
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#4
You're welcome, Mark.

Yes, the poem does seem to have changed since I submitted my comment. S8 is now S10:

Mississippi saxophone
filling in with throaty moans.

I hadn't heard of renga before; I shall rectify this...
All best,
Leaf
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#5
Tanka very much Mark.  Now I know what form I will try next, and I have re-lived (rare for me) the one or two nights I was in a honky-tonk bar.

p.s.  and contemplating the form, that's a heckuva string of fine tankas you made....
"Take what you need and leave the rest"
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#6
(Today, 01:15 AM)TranquillityBase Wrote:  Tanka very much Mark.  Now I know what form I will try next, and I have re-lived (rare for me) the one or two nights I was in a honky-tonk bar.

p.s.  and contemplating the form, that's a heckuva string of fine tankas you made....

Thanks Tim-
I played in many a dive in my younger days, and gotta admit they were really fun ( except when fights broke out). That used to be me on the Mississippi saxophone, aka harmonica.
Ah, if those walls could talk... I tried to convey some of the atmosphere, minus the really raunchy stuff.
Maybe someday, in the Pen’s Sewer, I’ll offer a more in-depth tour.
... Mark
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