Skunkd
#1
Skunkd


bankbank  BIGROCK  beerbottle beerbottle beerbottle bankbank
                  polepolepolepole
                                            l
                                               .
                                               i
                                               .  
      fish   fish
                                            n              fish fish fish
                                            .        fish   fish
                                            e
      beerbottle beerbottle  hook  brokenbeerbottle
bottombottombottombottombottomROCKSROCKSROCKSsbottombottombottom


bankbank  BIGROCK  beercan beercan beercan bankbank
                  polepolepolepole
                                            l
                                               .
                                              i
                                              .  
      fish   fish
                                            n              fish fish fish
                                            .        fish   fish
                                            e
                  beercan beercan  hook  beercan
bottombottombottombottombottombottombottombottom
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#2
We need more poems like this
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#3
Not a fisherperson myself, but do you think a float would help? (cute concept)
feedback award Non-practicing atheist
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#4
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Hi Mark,
this raised a smile.
Couple of suggestions


Skunkd


                   me   pole
bankbank BIGROCK pole beercan beercan beercan bankbank
                                 pole
                                    pole
                                       pole
             fish                           l                      bubble
                  fish                       .
              fish                          i
                                            .           fish fish
          beercan                      n              fish fish fish
                                           .      fish fish
                                           e
                                          hook
      beercan   beercan   beercan     beercan   bait 
bottombottombottombottombottombottombottombottombottom


Best, Knot


PS. Have you heard of https://www.streetcakemagazine.com/submissions.html
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#5
Thanks all-

This is just an experimental idea to let readers fill in as they like, and I was hoping for suggestions like yours, Knot.

I noticed, Knot, that you show 8 beer cans, and I had to check to make sure that 8-packs are a thing, and sure enough, they are.

A mistake I made: in the real world, beer cans would float, until they fill up with water and sink, and they'd actually hit the bottom further downstream. (I hate litter in streams, but I've seen this happen, and encountered all kinds of f'ing trash while wading.) 

I wanted to associate the litter to the person fishing, so I'm going to have to change to beer bottles, which do sink immediately. They also break on rocks, and are a bitch when encountered wading.

Damn, I really do over-think this stuff some times.

All that said, any and all embellishments are welcome...

Mark
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#6
(03-30-2021, 08:27 PM)Mark A Becker Wrote:  I'm going to have to change to beer bottles, which do sink immediately. They also break on rocks,
I wouldn't necessarily rush into this change, who's to say this was all the beer cans are from the same 'event', and might this be a pond, or lake, or a very sluggish stream? You could add some water plants, interspersed between the beer cans, I suppose, but, my suggestions of'me', 'bait' and 'bubbles' aside Smile I don't think it needs any more. Or, to put it another way, stop over-thinking and step away from the poem.

(Though the rocks underneath the broken bottles is a nice touch. Don't think you should have the 'line' in bold though).

Best, Knot



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