Contacting the Dead
#1
There’s gotta be a better way
out of here
but first I need to know
where here is.

Diddly dum, diddly dum, 
diddly diddly,
dum, dum.

Everything said about here
is heard there,
just so you know.

Flies on the wall
clocks in the head
it all comes to the same thing.

Diddly dum, diddly dum, 
diddly diddly,
dum, dum.

More time
I need more time
to understand 
your last rendevous

Clap to the sound
of my heartbeat if you hear it
but don’t turn around.

Diddly dum, diddly dum, 
diddly diddly,
dum, dum.

All I hear is a clacking of sticks,
now song interrupts
taking with it your words

Here is too late
there is too soon
all this hope and
no one who would say no.
"Take what you need and leave the rest"
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#2
Hey tranquility, I am struggeling with this one. I've left a few comments, I hope they help. The title is really coloring my reading. I think its a good title, its very interesting, and can mean a great many things. The poem has a slipping feeling, like slipping into different ways of thinking or into song or something else? The speaker seems unclear. The dead are like a chorus, they are the ones singing? Or the singing is somehow between the worlds? I am puzzled by many things here, especially the last line!  

(02-18-2021, 11:09 PM)TranquillityBase Wrote:  There’s gotta be a better way
out of here
but first I need to know
where here is.

Diddly dum, diddly dum, 
diddly diddly,
dum, dum.

Everything said about here
is heard there,
just so you know. I'm wondering if this isn't all a little too obtuse, I could puzzle about what your talking about here, but.. why? Here and there? One of them must surely be the afterlife? You've havent given me anything concrete yet, a good image goes a long way! 

Flies on the wall
clocks in the head
it all comes to the same thing. Here are some images. I think this last line is a little cliche. I feel like this stanza could be more nuanced. Clock in the head feels like a good start. 

Diddly dum, diddly dum, 
diddly diddly,
dum, dum. dance of death, song of death?

More time
I need more time
to understand 
your last rendevous

Clap to the sound
of my heartbeat if you hear it
but don’t turn around. This is contacting the dead like they do in the ghost hunter television shows. 

Diddly dum, diddly dum, 
diddly diddly,
dum, dum.

All I hear is a clacking of sticks,
now song interrupts
taking with it your words  My favorite stanza, I hear the clacking sticks. They give me a way of understanding/feeling the diddy dum, 

Here is too late
there is too soon
all this hope and
no one who would say no.
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#3
Miley, thanks for your comments.  I'm a bit puzzled by it myself.  I know there are multiple voices and one is mine.  Just out of curiosity, how close to ghost hunter is my stanza?  I mean do they actually listen for heartbeats and clap their hands?  Never seen the show.
"Take what you need and leave the rest"
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#4
(02-19-2021, 11:10 AM)TranquillityBase Wrote:  Miley, thanks for your comments.  I'm a bit puzzled by it myself.  I know there are multiple voices and one is mine.  Just out of curiosity, how close to ghost hunter is my stanza?  I mean do they actually listen for heartbeats and clap their hands?  Never seen the show.

Lol, not that close I think, I just mean in the way they are always saying stuff like "Make a sign if you are hear" And I guess i'll add that I'm realizing I tend to ask for clarity when critiquing poems, but I do think these things don't have to literally make sense, but they should feel like they mean something. There are parts of the poem that have an intuitive/felt coherence to me, the sticks, the heartbeat, the diddy dums, and the dead, the pieces are all there but its still lacking some overarching coherence for me. Just my 2 cents of course!
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