Love Poem
#1
We met before
Many times over
This was different,
Everything grows alive
The sun smiles and cascades every passing mountain
Flowers stare and grow bigger and brighter
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid like "I love you"


Any help would be greatly appreciated! 
I wanted to write a short sweet poem for my GF's birthday coming up and she is a writer herself so I don't want to completely embarrass myself! 

Thank you!
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#2
(10-15-2020, 06:10 AM)RhythmGuy Wrote:  We met before
Many times over
This was different,the tense is confusing
Everything grows alive
The sun smiles and cascades every passing mountain I like cascades
Flowers stare and grow bigger and brighter maybe too many 'ands'
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid like "I love you"


Any help would be greatly appreciated! 
I wanted to write a short sweet poem for my GF's birthday coming up and she is a writer herself so I don't want to completely embarrass myself! 

Thank you!

The first  4 lines don't seem to say anything to me, maybe condense to 1 line, or rephrase.. happy birthday!
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches
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#3
when I'm with you
Everything grows alive
The sun smiles and cascades every passing mountain
Flowers gaze as I go by
growing bigger, brighter
all was well
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid like "I love you"

Is this better? I am trying to convey how she changed me and made me appreciate all the little things. I am runner so I wanted to convey this as well in passing mountains and going by flowers.
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#4
.
Hi RG,
the 'appreciation of all the little things' is a fine idea (though how a passing mountain might be considered little is for another day Smile ) but perhaps give some examples particular to you. Sun and flowers ... well, that could be anyone. And are you deliberately quoting 'Something Stupid' in the final two lines? If you two do have a shared Sinatra interest (or even a Williams/Kidman one) you might consider starting with that.

Best (of luck), Knot
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