Forest Pond
#1
Forest Pond

White egret poses
on reflected trees and sky–
plucks fish from branches.
feedback award Non-practicing atheist
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#2
hello duke -
a really nice idea for a shorty, merging reality and reflection.

maybe, the imagery can be a bit sharper -
poses - is a bit vague, what pose? - what is it actually doing?
and sky - is a given I think - give the trees more imagery
on reflected.........trees ?

just my thoughts
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#3
(10-09-2020, 10:17 PM)dukealien Wrote:  Forest Pond

White egret poses
on reflected trees and sky–
plucks fish from branches.

Clever last line.
Would be improved if there's an alternative to 'poses on' - I think there's 2 syllables too many (not in the sense of haiku formalism, but just what sounds pleasing to the ear)
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