Blimp
#1
Blimp

This is more than just
hot air

I am membrane
engorged with oxyhydrogen

and you
are ready flint
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#2
Ready flint?
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#3
(07-23-2020, 05:06 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  Blimp

This is more than just
hot air

I am membrane
engorged with oxyhydrogen

and you
are ready flint

But oxyhydrogen is water....innit? Or is that the point of the poem?
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#4
The play between literal, figurative, and hyperbolic language is really pleasing.

*more* than just hot air - it is indeed

I have the tiniest, pickiest, most borish question: Is it "I am membrane" or "I am a membrane"?

(07-23-2020, 05:06 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  Blimp

This is more than just
hot air

I am membrane
engorged with oxyhydrogen

and you
are ready flint

(07-23-2020, 05:16 AM)JaggedEdge Wrote:  Ready flint?

Do you think it's flint like for making fire, Flint as in Flint, Michigan . . . or is it his douchebag friend Flint that is a blimp captain?
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#5
(07-23-2020, 06:14 AM)Valerie Please Wrote:  The play between literal, figurative, and hyperbolic language is really pleasing.

*more* than just hot air - it is indeed

I have the tiniest, pickiest, most borish question: Is it "I am membrane" or "I am a membrane"?

(07-23-2020, 05:06 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  Blimp

This is more than just
hot air

I am membrane
engorged with oxyhydrogen

and you
are ready flint

(07-23-2020, 05:16 AM)JaggedEdge Wrote:  Ready flint?

Do you think it's flint like for making fire, Flint as in Flint, Michigan . . . or is it his douchebag friend Flint that is a blimp captain?

I thought it was a name of a person, go figure.
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#6
"you are spark-in-waiting," perhaps, if flint confuses?
feedback award Non-practicing atheist
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#7
(07-23-2020, 05:06 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  Blimp

This is more than just
hot air

I am membrane
engorged with oxyhydrogen

and you
are ready flint

Hey guys, thanks for reading and commenting. I wanted to leave a note on your comments just to clarify some choices - good or bad.

@Val. "I am membrane" felt more immediate, more hollow - also graduates the line from simile to metaphor (to my ear) - same reason I didn't say "a ready flint" Doesn't mean my choices were sound

@Duke "spark" has it's appeal for clarity, but it was too difficult to disguise its cliche.

If "flint" was a distraction, I think I'm a little guilty of knowing it might be.
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