Cultivate The Living Flower
#1
edit 2

Cultivate the Living Flower


It's time to recalibrate focus.
This world's not our footnote
but opus.

Let's live twice as free
as they want us to be

and give like we're giving
what's owed us.



edit

Cultivate the Living Flower

                                          after Karl Marx

It's time to recalibrate focus.
This world's not your footnote
but opus.

Let's live twice as free
as they want us to be

and give like we're giving
what's owed us.



original

Cultivate the Living Flower


It's time to recalibrate your focus.
This world's not your footnote
but opus.

Let's live twice as free
as they want us to be

and give like we're giving
what's owed us.
Reply
#2
(07-03-2020, 04:13 AM)Exit Wrote:  Cultivate the Living Flower

It's time to recalibrate your focus.
This world's not your footnote
but opus.

Let's live twice as free
as they want us to be

and give like we're giving
what's owed us.
Interesting! I like what you have to say here! I like the message of the poem, the title though confuses me, what does recalibrating have anything to do with a flower? Maybe change the title to something related to the content of the poem. Call it "Recalibrate" perhaps. Anyway thanks for sharing.
Reply
#3
(07-03-2020, 04:13 AM)Exit Wrote:  Cultivate the Living Flower

It's time to recalibrate your focus.
This world's not your footnote
but opus.

Let's live twice as free
as they want us to be

and give like we're giving
what's owed us.

This is admirable, IMHO. And, though critique was not requested, if "your" were to be removed from L1 it would become a perfect limerick.
feedback award Non-practicing atheist
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#4
(07-03-2020, 10:58 AM)dukealien Wrote:  
(07-03-2020, 04:13 AM)Exit Wrote:  Cultivate the Living Flower

It's time to recalibrate your focus.
This world's not your footnote
but opus.

Let's live twice as free
as they want us to be

and give like we're giving
what's owed us.

This is admirable, IMHO.  And, though critique was not requested, if "your" were to be removed from L1 it would become a perfect limerick.

Thanks. You are correct, removing the "your" will definitely improve it. Thanks again.

(07-03-2020, 09:15 AM)JaggedEdge Wrote:  
(07-03-2020, 04:13 AM)Exit Wrote:  Cultivate the Living Flower

It's time to recalibrate your focus.
This world's not your footnote
but opus.

Let's live twice as free
as they want us to be

and give like we're giving
what's owed us.
Interesting! I like what you have to say here! I like the message of the poem, the title though confuses me, what does recalibrating have anything to do with a flower? Maybe change the title to something related to the content of the poem. Call it "Recalibrate" perhaps. Anyway thanks for sharing.

Thank you. The title is from an idiosyncratic translation of the famous "religion... is the opium of the people" passage from Karl Marx's A Contribution to the Critique of Hegel’s Philosophy of Right. The standard translation is: 

Criticism has plucked the imaginary flowers on the chain not in order that man shall continue to bear that chain without fantasy or consolation, but so that he shall throw off the chain and pluck the living flower.

I had thought the quote famous enough that the association would be obvious—obviously not. Smile
Reply
#5
(07-03-2020, 12:28 PM)Exit Wrote:  
(07-03-2020, 10:58 AM)dukealien Wrote:  
(07-03-2020, 04:13 AM)Exit Wrote:  Cultivate the Living Flower

It's time to recalibrate your focus.
This world's not your footnote
but opus.

Let's live twice as free
as they want us to be

and give like we're giving
what's owed us.

This is admirable, IMHO.  And, though critique was not requested, if "your" were to be removed from L1 it would become a perfect limerick.

Thanks. You are correct, removing the "your" will definitely improve it. Thanks again.

(07-03-2020, 09:15 AM)JaggedEdge Wrote:  
(07-03-2020, 04:13 AM)Exit Wrote:  Cultivate the Living Flower

It's time to recalibrate your focus.
This world's not your footnote
but opus.

Let's live twice as free
as they want us to be

and give like we're giving
what's owed us.
Interesting! I like what you have to say here! I like the message of the poem, the title though confuses me, what does recalibrating have anything to do with a flower? Maybe change the title to something related to the content of the poem. Call it "Recalibrate" perhaps. Anyway thanks for sharing.

Thank you. The title is from an idiosyncratic translation of the famous "religion... is the opium of the people" passage from Karl Marx's A Contribution to the Critique of Hegel’s Philosophy of Right. The standard translation is: 

Criticism has plucked the imaginary flowers on the chain not in order that man shall continue to bear that chain without fantasy or consolation, but so that he shall throw off the chain and pluck the living flower.

I had thought the quote famous enough that the association would be obvious—obviously not. Smile
Interesting! I find this fascinating. I know who Karl Marx is, I heard he even write a little poetry here and there.
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#6
Welcome to the site, Exit, and thanks for your participation so far. I didn't get the Marx reference either, but I don't see any reason that it matters. If the poem stands on its own, it's just a layer that some readers will enjoy and others miss. Strangely, I didn't initially read this as a limerick, but that's the only way I can see it now. 



(07-03-2020, 04:13 AM)Exit Wrote:  edit

Cultivate the Living Flower
                                          after Karl Marx

It's time to recalibrate focus.
This world's not your footnote "our" seems more appropriate than "your" for continuity with "us" and "we" in following strophes
but opus.

Let's live twice as free
as they want us to be

and give like we're giving
what's owed us.



original

Cultivate the Living Flower

It's time to recalibrate your focus.
This world's not your footnote
but opus.

Let's live twice as free
as they want us to be

and give like we're giving
what's owed us.
Reply
#7
Welcome to the site, Exit, and thanks for your participation so far. I didn't get the Marx reference either, but I don't see any reason that it matters. If the poem stands on its own, it's just a layer that some readers will enjoy and others miss. Strangely, I didn't initially read this as a limerick, but that's the only way I can see it now.


Thanks. And yes, "our" is much better. 
The funny thing is I wrote this very quickly (like a little poetic doodle) and it was only after reading it aloud to my girlfriend that I, too, realised it was basically a limerick—which is why I posted it in "for fun". I suppose it doesn't automatically register as a limerick because limericks are usually overtly humorous poems strictly in 5 lines. Maybe the relatively serious subject matter and unconventional line breaks were my subconscious attempt to subvert the genre. As Freud—channelling Descartes—might have said,  my subconscious is often far more rebellious than I am. Thanks again.
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#8
There's no reason to be embarrassed into the world of For Fun for writing a poem with a positive message.
Reply
#9
(07-04-2020, 07:20 AM)rowens Wrote:  There's no reason to be embarrassed into the world of For Fun for writing a poem with a positive message.

I'm not embarrassed.
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