A Book Like An Erection
#1
A Book Like An Erection

Sophie forgot, for a moment, 
that she had five dead animals inside her soul—
forgot about the magnet she had once cherished 
aimed at the past
and all the debris it had collected. 
Forgot she wasn’t really happy 
and smiled and fluttered her eyelashes—
hard as a coffin nail—bent over and said, “fuck me this way”.

Steven couldn’t believe his luck. 

He’d surely run out of it a decade ago. 
But here it was again 
leaching off the fortune of the tortured. 
It worked and he didn’t even have to try. 
He’d won third prize. 
Got himself hard and said, “fuck me this way”.

Jugband Blues knew he was meant for great things 
when a tramp offered him some change and said, 
“don’t spend it all on the irony of this moment. 
It’s not profound. It’s pathetic.”
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#2
(06-29-2020, 07:29 AM)Exit Wrote:  A Book Like An Erection

Sophie forgot, for a moment, (Who is Sophie?)
that she had five dead animals inside her soul—
forgot about the magnet she had once cherished 
aimed at the past
and all the debris it had collected. 
Forgot she wasn’t really happy 
and smiled and fluttered her eyelashes—
hard as a coffin nail—bent over and said, “fuck me this way”.

Steven couldn’t believe his luck. 

He’d surely run out of it a decade ago. 
But here it was again 
leaching off the fortune of the tortured. 
It worked and he didn’t even have to try. 
He’d won third prize. 
Got himself hard and said, “fuck me this way”.

Jugband Blues knew he was meant for great things 
when a tramp offered him some change and said, 
“don’t spend it all on the irony of this moment. 
It’s not profound. It’s pathetic.”
This is an interesting poem, I like the story of the piece, though it was a bit weird, it seems to be about an erection, am I right?
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#3
I realize this isn't a critique forum but I wanted to say that I really enjoyed this. The title draws you in. The opening strophe has great imagery. You have some good things going on here.

(06-29-2020, 07:29 AM)Exit Wrote:  A Book Like An Erection

Sophie forgot, for a moment, 
that she had five dead animals inside her soul—
forgot about the magnet she had once cherished 
aimed at the past
and all the debris it had collected. 
Forgot she wasn’t really happy 
and smiled and fluttered her eyelashes—
hard as a coffin nail—bent over and said, “fuck me this way”.

Steven couldn’t believe his luck. 

He’d surely run out of it a decade ago. 
But here it was again 
leaching off the fortune of the tortured. 
It worked and he didn’t even have to try. 
He’d won third prize. 
Got himself hard and said, “fuck me this way”.

Jugband Blues knew he was meant for great things 
when a tramp offered him some change and said, 
“don’t spend it all on the irony of this moment. 
It’s not profound. It’s pathetic.”
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
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#4
I can't see anything bad to say about it. Which is what one is always looking for. It has a very distinctive tone, and likewise tropes, which can be dangerous to talk about.
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#5

(07-01-2020, 03:30 AM)rowens Wrote:  I can't see anything bad to say about it. Which is what one is always looking for. It has a very distinctive tone, and likewise tropes, which can be dangerous to talk about.

Thanks.
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