Visiting Grandparents
#1
Twenty-something years old, but in this moment, in this setting, you are a child. 
The car’s warm and stagnant air holds you,
tells you there is nothing you can do but sit still and ride along. 

Outside the windows, sunlight drips from between mountains
as time is slowly falling closer and closer to the end of day. 
The dog is asleep between folded seats, candy is sticky between little sister’s teeth-
pets and colorful sugar brought along to maintain comforting car ride habits.

The distant radio humming,
the highway steadily rumbling, 
these sounds maintain the stupor.

Suddenly, a thought pushes you out of the soothing, familiar charade;
one day you won’t be making the drive as a child, 
one day you won’t be making it at all. 
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#2
Interesting, there is a sense of threatening undertones in your piece especially when you say 'one day you won't be making it at all' it's a good line, makes the reader question his sense of safety in the piece, I feel that there is something beautiful in your work too, the imagery of the sunlight shining from between mountains, I see that image. Also with the candy being sticky between the little sisters teeth on S2 L2, beautiful. I think there is potential in your piece. Good job.
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#3
(04-11-2020, 09:45 AM)magnoliaflower23 Wrote:  Twenty-something years old, but in this moment, in this setting, you are a child. 
The car’s warm and stagnant air holds you, - 'warm and stagnant', like the air inside a house where the heater's on all the time and windows closed. Like grandparents' homes.
tells you there is nothing you can do but sit still and ride along. 

Outside the windows, sunlight drips from between mountains - a fresh metaphor. But on first read, 'drips' suggested early morning, with the dew association. Turns out it's 'closer to the end of day'. 
as time is slowly falling closer and closer to the end of day.  - why the present continuous? 'time slowly falls' would make more sense in lieu of the above line
The dog is asleep between folded seats, candy is sticky between little sister’s teeth- - this reads like a dreamlike transition from the present to the past
pets and colorful sugar brought along to maintain comforting car ride habits.

The distant radio humming, - 'distant' anything is a cliche
the highway steadily rumbling, - 'steadily' anything is a cliche.
these sounds maintain the stupor.

Suddenly, a thought pushes you out of the soothing, familiar charade; - don't think this line is needed. the next two lines do the job by showing rather than telling
one day you won’t be making the drive as a child, 
one day you won’t be making it at all. 

This is an excellent poem, well above the typical standard for 'Basic'.
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#4
Very interesting use of sound and other sensory experiences because it makes the poem seem like a little microbiome of human experience. Interesting link between youth and the ability to experience sounds, light, warmth as a given? 'Warm and stagnant' suggests maybe the opposite. Second stanza is strong but i would agree with 'busker' that a few of the adjectives in the third should be revised.
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#5
I very much enjoyed the rhythm of this poem. It moves so smoothly through the imagery.
The car’s warm and stagnant air holds you, (I might use a longer pause here and remove "tells you" from the next line. I believe this may underline the sense of being stuck in the familiar monotony)
tells you there is nothing you can do but sit still and ride along

You go on to fill the reader with sensory data about this ride. And I can see it all so clearly. When you move to speak on the sounds, which you give their own space, I would suggest choosing your words very carefully maybe helping the reader feel the torpor induced by this ride.

Finally, out of this recitation of mundane experience a sorrowful realization comes crashing through. I agree with magnolia flower. Let this thought crash in, without preamble.
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