An Honor
#1
This is due in 45 minutes, any criticism is welcome, please Beg share any thoughts or views, thank you! Anything will be greatly appreciated

An Honor

A blessing to see
soft golden sunlight.
To slip off your shoes,
and feel the fresh cool of a creek.
Tread lightly on crisp blades of green
and moss, as silk under bare feet.

Undeserving as we are,
Thankful for the honor,
The gift of another breath,
and renewed hope for tomorrow.
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#2
hi ceaser. sorry i missed your cut off time.

first off; it's a sweet poem, too sweet in fact, you need depth in a poem, some good imagery via metaphore or simile.
brevity often makes a better read as well.

To slip off your shoes,
and feel the fresh cool of a creek.

to shuck shoes,
feel fresh cool creak water-imps
play catch between your toes.

try and open up the mind of the reader

the last stanza tells us little really again you need to show the reader through imagery.




(02-13-2020, 12:38 AM)Cesar Wrote:  This is due in 45 minutes, any criticism is welcome, please Beg share any thoughts or views, thank you! Anything will be greatly appreciated

An Honor

A blessing to see
soft golden sunlight.
To slip off your shoes,
and feel the fresh cool of a creek.
Tread lightly on crisp blades of green
and moss, as silk under bare feet.

Undeserving as we are,
Thankful for the honor,
The gift of another breath,
and renewed hope for tomorrow.
Reply




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