Honor
#1
Any suggestions or criticism is completely welcome. I haven't written in forever, and really fell out of it, please, anything is helpful.  Big Grin

You ran, 
I stumbled,
You eased, 
I struggled,
You look down on me, 
But I am stronger, 
I overcame my past, 
Tiptoed through the rubble,
No one knew my pain, 
That I overcame
My path was harder, 
But here I stand
Made it another day
Humbly, 
I accept the honor.
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#2
.
Hi Cesar,
I'm not sure you're title's really helping you, it might be worth a second look.
I'd also consider trimming, somewhat. (What happened to the 'you' of the first
part?)

Just food for thought ...


Humble.


I overcame my past,
Tiptoed through rubble,
[the] harder path
No one knew
That I overcame
But I Made it here
another day



Best, Knot


.
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#3
Thanks a ton for the suggestions, but honor is the prompt for competition, and I was wondering if I should completely rewrite but it's due tomorrow.
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#4
(02-11-2020, 11:45 PM)Cesar Wrote:  Any suggestions or criticism is completely welcome. I haven't written in forever, and really fell out of it, please, anything is helpful.  Big Grin

You ran, 
I stumbled,
You eased, 
I struggled,
You look down on me, 
But I am stronger, 
I overcame my past, 
Tiptoed through the rubble,
No one knew my pain, 
That I overcame
My path was harder, 
But here I stand
Made it another day
Humbly, 
I accept the honor.

The punctuation needs some attending to, but otherwise a plain and simple message (in a good way)
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