sku-jæ-kwa-dä a word I’ve heard since I could ride in the back looking out the window more than an expressway that segregates and divides more than a Buffalo name whose pronunciation sets us apart more than a creek that drains and dumps more than a street that doubles as a headstone
buried for nearly a century I found you almost alive in Forest Lawn still flowing over 400 million year old dolomite still carving Serenity Falls undisturbed only here not channeled not tunneled
two miles downstream Philip Kenjockety lived creekside with his family just southeast of the triangle of delta, Black Rock, and island sanctuary they said for birds and spirits
by his Seneca name ska-dyoh-gwa-deh “beyond the multitude” Commodore Perry renamed the creek famed panther hunter the refugeed grandson of the vanquished Kah-Kwahs whose father led the conquering Seneca
the site of the family wigwams was later zoned “M-2” General Industrial District benzene, toluene, xylene, lead, cyanide, and PCB’s soaked the soil, leached into the creek bed & settled in the flesh of wildlife
upstream human waste is diverted further underground through the Delavan Drain sourced through glacial deposits re-energized from a subterranean lake it’s still not enough
sitting on the bank below the falls, I lift defiled water in my hand on most days, I’m grateful it doesn’t burn my eyes or lungs I used to think you were a ditch, a sewer flood-control for the mall that destroyed your wetlands I didn’t know you were real I thought you were runoff for the inundation of subdivisions
restoration rather than resurrection seems timid for the task but what else is there?
pouring from my palm water to live water to forgive water to heal
Scajaquada
streaming from a poison culvert, it enters Forest Lawn running through Olmsted’s sculpted ravine undisturbed only here not channeled not tunneled still flowing over 400 million year old dolomite where it carved Serenity Falls
below in Moffett’s Grove the last parcel to receive the dead two sunbathers in appropriately black bikinis recline safely away from the leer of living men with only male finches and cicadas within earshot
it’s here I discovered it far from the headwaters of its mitigated springs more than a Buffalo word whose pronunciation sets us apart more than an expressway that segregates and divides more than a creek that drains and dumps and more than a street that doubles as a headstone I found a watershed, a habitat, a home
two miles downstream famed panther hunter the refugeed grandson of the vanquished Kah-Kwahs whose father led the conquering Seneca Philip Kenjockety lived creekside with his family just northeast of the trinity delta, Black Rock, and island sanctuary they said for birds and spirits
by his Seneca name ska-dyoh-gwa-deh “Beyond the Multitude” Commodore Perry renamed the creek more than 76 spelling with 76 stories sgenjohgwa:dih,** “outside the crowd” I was corrected with fewer than 50 native speakers still living a defeated people’s history Is open to interpretation
the site of the family wigwams was later zoned “M-2” General Industrial District benzene, toluene, xylene, lead, cyanide, and PCB’s soaked the soil, leached the creek bed & settled in the flesh of wildlife
upstream human waste is diverted further underground through the Delavan Drain sourced through glacial deposits re-energized from a subterranean lake it’s still not enough
sitting on the bank below the falls, I lift defiled water in my hand the ritual of affusion suffices in the absence of living water can reclamation lead to resurrection? on most days, I’m grateful it doesn’t burn my eyes or lungs
I confess I thought of it as a ditch, a sewer flood-control for the mall that destroyed its wetlands it’s not that I despised it the way the city did when they buried it in the 1920’s
I just didn’t care we no longer needed its once famous grasses for its fish nets and baskets Its role in turning back the British is ancient history to us and we never sensed departed ancestors gathering at its terminus
I have little faith in ritual but I don’t know what else to do pouring from my palm water to live water to forgive water to heal
**pronounced: sgān jōh gwaa dēh
[pre verse] Scajaquada
streaming from its poison culvert, it enters Forest Lawn running through Olmsted’s sculpted ravine undisturbed only here not channeled not tunneled still flowing over 400 million year old dolomite
in Moffett’s Grove two sunbathers in appropriately black bikinis recline safely away from the leer of living men with only male finches and cicadas within earshot
two miles downstream Philip Kenjockety lived creekside with his family just northeast of the trinity delta, Black Rock, and island, sanctuary they said for birds and spirits
by his Seneca name Ska-dyoh-gwa-deh “Beyond the Multitude” the creek would later be called famed panther hunter the refugeed grandson of the vanquished Kah-Kwahs whose father led the conquering Seneca
the site of the family wigwams was later zoned “M-2” General Industrial District benzene, toluene, xylene, lead, cyanide, and PCB’s soaked the soil, leached the creek bed & settled in the flesh of wildlife
upstream human waste is diverted further underground through the Delavan Drain sourced through glacial deposits re-energized from a subterranean lake it’s still not enough sitting on the bank below the falls, I lift defiled water in my hand the ritual of affusion suffices in the absence of living water can reclamation lead to resurrection? on most days, I’m grateful it doesn’t burn my eyes or lungs
I confess I thought of you as a ditch, a sewer, flood-control for the mall that robbed you of your wetlands I didn’t despise you, the way city did when they buried you so they didn’t have to face what they had done
I just didn’t care we no longer needed your famous grasses for your once famous baskets your role to defeat the British, no longer mattered and we never cared that at your mouth gathered long-forgotten ancestors
pouring from my palm water to carry away water to forgive water to heal
A lot to think about. Thanks. Hard for me to stay out of the weeds with this one. (See what I did there)
(01-30-2020, 09:21 PM)Knot Wrote: .
Hi bbc.
It has moved forward, but it's still too long, I think, and too much emphasis given to detail one could find in guide books and not enough
(though more and better in the revision) on N's reaction.
The first two verses don't engage (in either their detail or language). There's nothing that invites me in, or makes me want to stay. I'll have to think about that.
L24. I like the line, but it seems both misplaced and contradicted by the the I confess stanza is what the N felt prior to his "discovery". Have to find a way to make that clear.
L31. I'm getting lost on the 'trinity delta, black rock and island (are all three necessary in terms of identifying the location?). Yes,the sanctuary is created between the 3 triangulated places.
L32. Do you mean 'an', not 'and'? AND
S4. There's too much going on in this verse, I'm not clear on what N is trying to say. I was introducing Philip Kenjockety, and yes I meant to use refugeed as a verb.
Some suggestions ...
More than a Buffalo word (makes for an interesting (and pronounceable ) title?)
I discovered it, here
in Moffett’s Grove
among the songs
of male finches
and cicadas,
far from the headwaters
of its quiet springs I get what you're trying to say, but 'mitigated' doesn't work. Actually hard/impossible to mitigate a spring, but all of the wetlands surrounding the springs were mitigated. IE filled in, with the promise of creating an equal amount of wetlands elsewhere. I took liberty of extending mitigation to the spring that fed them. My guess is they piped the spring/source downstream under the well-healed subdivisions they built on top of it.
ska-dyoh-gwa-deh
“Beyond the Multitude”
more than an expressway
that segregates and divides
and more than a street
that marks like a headstone
ska-dyoh-gwa-deh
more than 76 spelling,
76 stories Any better phrasing for this? Probably
more than a creek
whose pronunciation sets us apart
ska-dyoh-gwa-deh
fewer than 50 native speakers left
a defeated people becomingmyth
two miles downstream
Philip Kenjockety
- refugee grandson
of the defeated Kah-Kwahs -
lived with his family
the site of their wigwams
just northeast of the trinity delta, can 'delta' be cut? Not that I can see
was later zoned “M-2”
General Industrial District
benzene, toluene, xylene, lead,
cyanide, and PCB’s soaked the soil,
leached the creek bed leached into? Also probably
& settled the wildlife's flesh
ska-dyoh-gwa-deh
sitting on the bank below the falls,
I lift defiled water in my hand
the ritual of affusion suffices What and how does it suffice? When the N lifts the water it reminds him of affusion (baptism by pouring water on the forehead) Affusion suffices only when there is no available source of living water (a natural flowing body of water). Although technically Sqajaquada qualifies as living water, after decades of poisoning and altering its hydrology the N doesn't think it qualifies. Baptism offers forgiveness, but not for the uninitiated, something the N would't know that it's not for the uninitiated.
ska-dyoh-gwa-deh I confess I think this should be addressed directly to the creek. 'You' not 'it' A draft or so ago it was in the 2nd person, but it felt uncomfortable. I can revisit it.
I thought of you as a ditch,
a sewer, of flood-control for the mall
that destroyed your wetlands
when I though of you at all.
It’s not that I despised you
the way the city did
when they buried you back in the '20’s
I just didn’t care
ska-dyoh-gwa-deh
we no longer need your grasses
for baskets and fishing nets
Your role in turning back the British
is ancient history We have moved on
so we don't see the ancestors
gathering at your terminus what do you mean by 'terminus'? Where the creek ends and enters the river.
in the absence of living water
can reclamation lead to resurrection?
on most days, I’m just grateful
you don’t burn I think this would be a good place to end. hmm
Yes, the sanctuary is created between the 3 triangulated places. Which is fine if I'm looking to visit and need directions, but what does such specificity add to the poem?
I was introducing Philip Kenjockety, and yes I meant to use refugeed as a verb. Apologies should have been S5. But either way, too much fluff. What does his being a panther hunter have to do with anything else in the poem? Which is more important, refugee status or his father's prowess? Or that it was Commodore Perry who renamed the creek? Or ... It's too much Wikipedia entry, not enough poetry (like the first two verses).
Actually hard/impossible to mitigate a spring, but all of the wetlands surrounding the springs were mitigated. IE filled in, with the promise of creating an equal amount of wetlands elsewhere. I took liberty of extending mitigation to the spring that fed them. My guess is they piped the spring/source downstream under the well-healed subdivisions they built on top of it. The how about 'silenced' in contrast to the 'noise' of the birds/cicadas?
When the N lifts the water it reminds him of affusion (baptism by pouring water on the forehead) Affusion suffices only when there is no available source of living water (a natural flowing body of water). Although technically Sqajaquada qualifies as living water, after decades of poisoning and altering its hydrology the N doesn't think it qualifies. Baptism offers forgiveness, but not for the uninitiated, something the N wouldn't know that it's not for the uninitiated. They wouldn't know about 'initiation'' but they'd know 'affusion'? Into what is N seeking 'admission/adoption' through baptism?
Where the creek ends and enters the river.
Isn't that a 'confluence' or a 'watersmeet'?
Hard for me to stay out of the weeds with this one. (See what I did there)
Fair enough, but editing is its own skill.
I think your poem has a good sense of movement, but that it lost its flow somewhat in the middle. I felt that the insertion of historic and cultural references was laboured and clashed with the flow of the poem. My attention was reignited from the seventh stanza where I felt it had a more human element. This may be a conscious contrast you've chosen to draw, but if this had been in a book I probably wouldn't have made it to your excellent seventh stanza.
I'm a bit uncomfortable using an exact rhyme. It's not something I do, but I liked the sound of it.Ultimately it highlights how most people here relate to Scajaquada as a word.
) title?)