Black Widow's Dance
#1
Black Widow's Dance

Your beauty reminds me of morning summer days. 
Your hair burns red like Autumn's blaze, glistening in the Sunshine's rays. 
Your words come off your tongue smooth as silk; Capturing me in your web of deceit and manipulation disguised with kisses tasting sweet as Liebfraumilch. 
Your pulchritudinous that drew me in now turns to poison as your fangs are buried deep beneath my skin. 
I am now under your spell; No anti venom to free me of your dismal dungeon. 
Your intentions are very clear. I am your captive and you are sucking out my soul; This I can no longer bear. 
It was my own misconception that lead me here. This pain is something that will always endure. 
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#2
(01-09-2020, 09:03 AM)Killingwithasmilexd Wrote:  Black Widow's Dance

Your beauty reminds me of morning summer days. 
Your hair burns red like Autumn's blaze, glistening in the Sunshine's rays. 
Your words come off your tongue smooth as silk; Capturing me in your web of deceit and manipulation disguised with kisses tasting sweet as Liebfraumilch. 
Your pulchritudinous that drew me in now turns to poison as your fangs are buried deep beneath my skin. 
I am now under your spell; No anti venom to free me of your dismal dungeon. 
Your intentions are very clear. I am your captive and you are sucking out my soul; This I can no longer bear. 
It was my own misconception that lead me here. This pain is something that will always endure. 


This was very illustrative for me.  I get a very vivid image of a vampire, and then that image brings me to Rudyard Kipling's "The Vampire".  I love how you do not explicitly state that the spider is doing anything wrong.  The spider is just doing what all spiders do, and will always do. You put the onus of wrongdoing on the narrator.  I love repetition and redundancy, and I like your usage of anaphora.  Nevertheless, I do not know if the word choice of "Your" for this task pays of as well as I had hoped.  I believe I had heard the term, "pulchritudinous" before, but I had no recollection of its meaning.  I had great fun looking it up, and treading along that rabbit trail.  The first two line's end words sets up an expectation by me of couplets throughout.  When that does not happen I am disappointed.  For me this does a great job of showing me disappointment from something I had anticipated rather than letting the poem just tell me about misconceptions.  I simply love it.  I do like the word "always" in the final line.  The spider is not ending the narrator's existence, just completely altering it.  I believe in the future when something brings to mind "The Vampire" I will also think of "Black Widow's Dance".
Joshua J. Smith
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#3
(01-09-2020, 01:45 PM)Joshua Smith Wrote:  
(01-09-2020, 09:03 AM)Killingwithasmilexd Wrote:  Black Widow's Dance

Your beauty reminds me of morning summer days. 
Your hair burns red like Autumn's blaze, glistening in the Sunshine's rays. 
Your words come off your tongue smooth as silk; Capturing me in your web of deceit and manipulation disguised with kisses tasting sweet as Liebfraumilch. 
Your pulchritudinous that drew me in now turns to poison as your fangs are buried deep beneath my skin. 
I am now under your spell; No anti venom to free me of your dismal dungeon. 
Your intentions are very clear. I am your captive and you are sucking out my soul; This I can no longer bear. 
It was my own misconception that lead me here. This pain is something that will always endure. 


This was very illustrative for me.  I get a very vivid image of a vampire, and then that image brings me to Rudyard Kipling's "The Vampire".  I love how you do not explicitly state that the spider is doing anything wrong.  The spider is just doing what all spiders do, and will always do. You put the onus of wrongdoing on the narrator.  I love repetition and redundancy, and I like your usage of anaphora.  Nevertheless, I do not know if the word choice of "Your" for this task pays of as well as I had hoped.  I believe I had heard the term, "pulchritudinous" before, but I had no recollection of its meaning.  I had great fun looking it up, and treading along that rabbit trail.  The first two line's end words sets up an expectation by me of couplets throughout.  When that does not happen I am disappointed.  For me this does a great job of showing me disappointment from something I had anticipated rather than letting the poem just tell me about misconceptions.  I simply love it.  I do like the word "always" in the final line.  The spider is not ending the narrator's existence, just completely altering it.  I believe in the future when something brings to mind "The Vampire" I will also think of "Black Widow's Dance".

Thank you for reading and the honest and positive review. It means alot.
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