The Wanderer
#1
Unsightly and unseen,
I trespass in dream.
A wanderer wondering 
If my shadow is seen.
Silent and solitaire,
I solemnly stare
In the darkness of dream, 
Like an unheard scream.
With a voyeur’s gaze
And eyes ablaze
All thoughts are mined
In this peep show of mind.
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#2
(11-13-2019, 08:32 AM)Pinprick Wrote:  Unsightly and unseen,
I trespass in dream.
A wanderer wondering 
If my shadow is seen.
Silent and solitaire,
I solemnly stare
In the darkness of dream, 
Like an unheard scream.
With a voyeur’s gaze
And eyes ablaze
All thoughts are mined
In this peep show of mind.

Hi Pinprick...
Nice choice of rhymes.  Mined and mind is lovely.  
Lots of thought provoking lines.  I like trespass in dream...I suggest starting there.  
I crossed out three lines that seem unnecessary as they appear to "tell" what you are already "showing."
The rhymes were predictable due to every two lines rhyming.  That pattern of rhyme caused abrupt stops as I read.  It might be nice to mix that up a bit. 
Thanks for posting!  Nice imagery.
I sleep with the lights out.  
They always come back. 
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