Isolation
#1
Isolation

My mind’s desolation
Lost in translation
Hypnotic contemplation

Isolation

Perpetual frustration
Manic desperation
Slum city nation

Isolation

Particle deprivation
Overdose vacation
Relapse relocation

Isolation 

My only destination
False proclamation
No emancipation

Isolation 

Brain restoration
Idea immigration
Cortex complication

Isolation
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#2
(10-30-2019, 11:37 PM)Pinprick Wrote:  Isolation

My mind’s desolation
Lost in translation
Hypnotic contemplation

Isolation

Perpetual frustration
Manic desperation
Slum city nation

Isolation

Particle deprivation
Overdose vacation
Relapse relocation

Isolation 

My only destination
False proclamation
No emancipation

Isolation 

Brain restoration
Idea immigration
Cortex complication

Isolation

I like what you're trying here. I do. But I've got just a few problems.
Some lines don't feel appropriate for the rest of the piece, marked in green. Some of these could easily be remedied -- particle deprivation => oxygen deprivation, or idea immigration => idea migration.
I'm usually not a fan of one-word lines, and especially one-word strophes. Considering the topic, I'd say it's marginally appropriate here. Still, the derivational morpheme makes it feel less isolated. Perhaps simply using the word "isolated" would be more effective.
If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.

"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona
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