Acts of Faith - edit
#1
Acts of Faith


We ridicule those South Sea islanders
who, having witnessed strange events
in World War Two, constructed
airstrips, towers, radio antennas–
believing that with proper rituals
the Cargo would return.

We, so far advanced in understanding,
force our SUVs to sleep outside
in snow and rain because
our vast three-car garages bulge,
stuffed ceiling-high
with crags of Cargo.

You know, there’s a place
we could ship all that stuff.



original version;

We ridicule those South Sea islanders
who, having witnessed strange events
in World War Two, constructed
airstrips, towers, radio antennas–
believing that with proper rituals
the Cargo would return.

We, infinitely advanced in understanding,
force our cars to sleep outside
in snow and rain because
our vast three-bay garages bulge,
stuffed ceiling-high
with piles of Cargo.

You know, there’s a place
we could ship all that stuff.

feedback award Non-practicing atheist
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#2
The last line can be interpreted in several ways: 1) we don't need all this stuff  2) there's a place that wants this stuff; 3) the place probably needs this stuff; and 4) we should know better than them
A nice take on Christmas shopping...and I just saw what you did with the title there
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#3
I like it: thought provoking and it flows well. I think your punctuation and rhythm are spot on.
The only thing I am not sure about, if I am to be extremely picky, is the word 'infinitely' to describe advanced. I can understand you're trying to show the size of the gap in advancement between the two worlds, but 'infinitely' feels like this comparison is not even possible. I don't want to suggest words to replace it as this should come from you.
The line about forcing cars to sleep outside feels really good.
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#4
edit;

Acts of Faith


We ridicule those South Sea islanders
who, having witnessed strange events
in World War Two, constructed
airstrips, towers, radio antennas–
believing that with proper rituals
the Cargo would return.

We, so far advanced in understanding,
force our SUVs to sleep outside
in snow and rain because
our vast three-car garages bulge,
stuffed ceiling-high
with crags of Cargo.

You know, there’s a place
we could ship all that stuff.



Thanks to both critics.  I've edited S2 accordingly, along with some minor changes to spice it up a bit.
feedback award Non-practicing atheist
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#5
If I’m interpreting this correctly, it is about the tribe of people who mistook aircraft for Gods and made a religion of it. That being said, I like the ideas that are floating around in this. It seems like you could be critiquing modern materialism if S2 is read sarcastically, but it could also just be noting the differences in culture. It also highlights the different perspectives that different cultures produce. We see the cargo as simply cargo, whereas they see it as Cargo; something sacred. Quite big ideas packed in essentially two short stanzas. I’m not sure if this makes any definitive statement, so if that was your intention you may want to add something less vague, or elaborate on why we ridicule them, and whether or not that is warranted. But overall a good poem. Thanks.
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#6
(10-30-2019, 11:23 PM)Pinprick Wrote:  If I’m interpreting this correctly, it is about the tribe of people who mistook aircraft for Gods and made a religion of it. That being said, I like the ideas that are floating around in this. It seems like you could be critiquing modern materialism if S2 is read sarcastically, but it could also just be noting the differences in culture. It also highlights the different perspectives that different cultures produce. We see the cargo as simply cargo, whereas they see it as Cargo; something sacred. Quite big ideas packed in essentially two short stanzas. I’m not sure if this makes any definitive statement, so if that was your intention you may want to add something less vague, or elaborate on why we ridicule them, and whether or not that is warranted. But overall a good poem. Thanks.



Quite frankly, I'm not sure of a definitive, exact direction intended either when this was written or now.  Your interpretation is at least as good as mine.

A few thoughts, though, might include, (1) two tribes of materialists, one of which sacrifices much and gets nothing, the other gets plenty but must constantly have more (see Chief Red Cloud on the subject), and/or (2) the islanders' faith in the ultimate value of the Cargo is matched by ours, to the extent that, like them, we keep performing the rituals even though they're so efficacious, for us, that we're running out of places to store our blessings after our prayers (you know, those orders to Amazon and eBay) are infallibly answered.
feedback award Non-practicing atheist
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#7
I like this, the content is both thought provoking and interesting.
I don’t think it would be fair for me to critique this as I’m new to poetry and not sure I can add much?



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