Apotheosis
#1
You stand at your altar of apotheosis,
Parting seas of people like Moses. 
Engulfed by what divides them.
Never knowing what hides inside them.
You stand at your altar of psychosis, 
Preaching a narcissistic bipolar diagnosis.
Shooting scriptural pages, blanks.
Slaves fill your ranks.
Assume the posture of God.
The serpent, staff, and rod.
Anointed in snake oil.
Grip like a death coil.
Charming the masses 
Through hypnotic glasses.
A pied piper pastor.
A classless slave master.
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#2
I have to say that you achieve a sound quite epic, although the rhyme scheme seems a little bit forced. It has a mysterious tone that I like but at the same time it´s difficult to fully understand, but I can get the general sense and the feeling of the poem. One of my favourite phrases was "Charming the masses through hypnotic glasses", it sounds very powerful. Well, the poem in general sounds very powerful, and it makes me think a lot, a definitely mysterious piece.
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#3
I read the poem literally, and paid little attention to its formal qualities, sound, because I sometimes lose my ears in the war. If it means what it says, which all poems do but usually try not to in vain theory, there doesn't seem to be much going on. Or a lot going on, but nothing novel. It works more as two or three people's black mass rime than a literary feat. But I don't think literature carries any more weight with people than religion. This pastor was evicted by the sixth line and the rest is beating the dead white horse. Unless it's symbolic, of course. But you can say it's one bit to get out of the way before more worthy or interesting targets. . . . The ineffectual power of the pastor over his followers is the most interesting theme. You must not have been impressed.
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#4
(10-14-2019, 04:55 AM)Pinprick Wrote:  You stand at your altar of apotheosis,
Parting seas of people like Moses. 
Engulfed by what divides them.
Never knowing what hides inside them.
You stand at your altar of psychosis, 
Preaching a narcissistic bipolar diagnosis.
Shooting scriptural pages, blanks.
Slaves fill your ranks.
Assume the posture of God.
The serpent, staff, and rod.
Anointed in snake oil.
Grip like a death coil.
Charming the masses 
Through hypnotic glasses.
A pied piper pastor.
A classless slave master.

Reminds me of a certain president.... I’m not really sure about the line “never knowing what hides inside them”... I just don’t think the poem would change much with or with out it.

Shooting scriptural pages, blanks.

Is odd, a forced metaphor that doesn’t exist beyond the authors statement. Or maybe you just REALLY wanted something to rhyme with ranks.

The serpent, staff, and rod.

Is not a sentence...



I like “parting seas of people like Moses” and this is by far the strongest line in the peace, so perhaps build off of that line and extend that metaphor. Dividing people to get what you want, that’s what the poem is about but we need to see it, not hear it.
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#5
When reading it I found myself feeling pleasure of wanting to address this to someone I know; very relatable. I disagree with the comment above about the line: ‘never knowing what hides inside them’. If you’re describing a narcissist, this line is necessary if not even crucial, considering one of the main characteristics of narcism is lack of empathy.

Just to add to my last comment, ‘Shooting scriptural pages, blanks.’ works well for me too, not forced at all. It feels like you’re describing someone with tendency to preach with no content.
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