Stay Useless
#1
Stay Useless

I'm so used to being useless.
The ninihilist's bliss.
It's tiring trying
to be anything more than this.

I was doing just fine wasting all of my time
until I misplaced my will to live.
Never far enough away to worry,
just far enough to try a bit harder.
That's why I've buried deep into the heartstrings
of my friends.
Entwined myself like a cocoon
into someone new.
Someone they couldn't live without
like a failsafe, so I can feel safe.
When I break free and fail to fly
and fall into the hands
that I have helped raise up to catch me. 

Still during the fall, I'll stall.
Regress to the nothingness
that I do best and find the floor.
Where I can be nothing more than useless.
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#2
(04-06-2019, 11:54 AM)P3t3rW1ll14m Wrote:  Stay Useless

I'm so used to being useless.
The ninihilist's bliss.             //    spelling?
It's tiring trying
to be anything more than this.

I was doing just fine wasting all of my time
until I misplaced my will to live.
Never far enough away to worry,
just far enough to try a bit harder.
That's why I've buried deep into the heartstrings             //    Images never really start until here
of my friends.
Entwined myself like a cocoon             //    So far so good.
into someone new.
Someone they couldn't live without
like a failsafe, so I can feel safe.             //    I see what you're trying, but I don't think it's working.
When I break free and fail to fly
and fall into the hands
that I have helped raise up to catch me. 

Still during the fall, I'll stall.
Regress to the nothingness
that I do best and find the floor.
Where I can be nothing more than useless.             //    I do enjoy being Useless.


You have some imagery, which is good, but there are some logical errors with the images you have tried to create. For example, a failsafe is not an image or object on its own. It describes the method of failure for other mechanisms. Otherwise, it's not bad. I'd rework your failsafe lines, avoid the cheesiness of failsafe <=> feel safe, and you might be able to enhance the flying/failing images, but I'd keep that low on the priority list.
If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.

"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona
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#3
Thanks UselessBlueprint! Haha love the name. I'm going to edit it in a bit, thanks for the tips.
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#4
hi peter, got to this one late, sorry.

a nihilistic/anti nihilistic poem; for me you need to lose any word that doesn't add anything, [any useless word or line or paragraph]
try and use some imagery/simile that evokes feelings of nihilism. destroy a few things. for the thing is that for me the poem is about a nihilist not wishing to be nihilistic. it sets up a few paradoxical ideas you could delve into in a much deeper way. keep the bare bones and add more bare bones. it's a good concept.


(04-06-2019, 11:54 AM)P3t3rW1ll14m Wrote:  Stay Useless

I'm so used to being useless. is there a need for [so]?
The ninihilist's bliss. nihilist
It's tiring trying
to be anything more than this.

I was doing just fine wasting all of my time
until I misplaced my will to live.
Never far enough away to worry,
just far enough to try a bit harder. wordy so far
That's why I've buried deep into the heartstrings [i'm] or [burrowed] would be a suggestion here.
of my friends.
Entwined myself like a cocoon
into someone new.
Someone they couldn't live without
like a failsafe, so I can feel safe. a suggestion would be to add [for them] after [failsafe] to make it work a little better.
When I break free and fail to fly
and fall into the hands
that I have helped raise up to catch me. 

Still during the fall, I'll stall.
Regress to the nothingness
that I do best and find the floor.
Where I can be nothing more than useless.
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#5
Thanks Billy, you have a good point about the minimalist aspect of nihilism.
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#6
I really loved the emotion behind this poem. By the end of the second stanza, it really provides deep psychological insight. Well done Smile
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#7
I agree with UselessBlueprint, especially in terms of imagery. It might benefit your poem to use some more descriptive words to paint an image in your readers’ minds. Also, in some places, the rhyming seems a little forced to me? I’m very guilty of this myself, but it would help the flow of the poem to change your wording a little bit. Overall, great poem though, I enjoyed reading it!

-Madeline
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#8
The first stanza seems to have a rhyming pattern that I expected to continue, but it didn't. Was that intentional, or is that first rhyme accidental?
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#9
Hi

I am new here. I do not consider myself a poet, rather, I am a story teller in rhymes. I read the reviews by very capable editors and I cannot add to their considerable wisdom. I can tell you that the poem clearly represents hopelessness where the soul is wounded by events gone by. Perhaps some mention of these shattering events would be a good eddition to your story.
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#10
(04-06-2019, 11:54 AM)P3t3rW1ll14m Wrote:  Stay Useless

I'm so used to being useless.
The ninihilist's bliss.
It's tiring trying
to be anything more than this.

I was doing just fine wasting all of my time
until I misplaced my will to live.
Never far enough away to worry,
just far enough to try a bit harder.
That's why I've buried deep into the heartstrings
of my friends.
Entwined myself like a cocoon
into someone new.
Someone they couldn't live without
like a failsafe, so I can feel safe.
When I break free and fail to fly
and fall into the hands
that I have helped raise up to catch me. 

Still during the fall, I'll stall.
Regress to the nothingness
that I do best and find the floor.
Where I can be nothing more than useless.

This is a great topic for a poem, there is plenty you could flesh out on these fantastic self reflections. I really enjoyed the last line it very powerfully links to the beginning. I think some biting examples of reality could help flesh out this situation to the reader a bit more.
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#11
(04-06-2019, 11:54 AM)P3t3rW1ll14m Wrote:  Stay Useless

I'm so used to being useless.
The ninihilist's bliss.
It's tiring trying
to be anything more than this.

I was doing just fine wasting all of my time
until I misplaced my will to live.
Never far enough away to worry,
just far enough to try a bit harder.
That's why I've buried deep into the heartstrings
of my friends.
Entwined myself like a cocoon
into someone new.
Someone they couldn't live without
like a failsafe, so I can feel safe.
When I break free and fail to fly
and fall into the hands
that I have helped raise up to catch me. 

Still during the fall, I'll stall.
Regress to the nothingness
that I do best and find the floor.
Where I can be nothing more than useless.

Howdy. Good Sat to ya.

Your poem- I'd like to see it lean and mean and less chatty.
In the first bit, you established the first person-hood, so
some of the easiest excisions are the 'I' bits that follow.

quick example-

I'm so used to being useless.
The ninihilist's bliss.
It's tiring
trying
to be anything more than this.

 doing just fine wasting a my time
until I misplaced my will to live.

(Never far enough away to worry,
just far enough to try a bit harder) - I'd ditch this bit altogether as superfluous

- buried deep into the heartstrings
of my friends.

-Entwined like a cocoon
into someone new.

(so I can feel safe)   buried and entwined in the above bit suggests the craving for safety making this line unnecessary

When I break free and fail to fly  - this imagery is oft used making its impact here less than desired- explore other metaphors for this, maybe?
and fall into the hands     - I like this
that I have helped raise up to catch me. 

Still during the fall, I'll stall.   this entire stanza is painful, not to read, but in message. not a bad thing in poetry. everyone has pain, everyone can commiserate.
Regress to  nothingness
what I do best
 find the floor.
Where I can be nothing more than useless

So basically, let the imagery as much as possible carry the poem. It's a pained poem and sorrowful, it expresses the dullness we can feel, even inside the arms that would seek to heal us, remote and unavailable in that moment. I like it. Been there. Just a but tidier and lean.
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