Stay Useless
#1
Stay Useless

I'm so used to being useless.
The ninihilist's bliss.
It's tiring trying
to be anything more than this.

I was doing just fine wasting all of my time
until I misplaced my will to live.
Never far enough away to worry,
just far enough to try a bit harder.
That's why I've buried deep into the heartstrings
of my friends.
Entwined myself like a cocoon
into someone new.
Someone they couldn't live without
like a failsafe, so I can feel safe.
When I break free and fail to fly
and fall into the hands
that I have helped raise up to catch me. 

Still during the fall, I'll stall.
Regress to the nothingness
that I do best and find the floor.
Where I can be nothing more than useless.
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#2
(04-06-2019, 11:54 AM)P3t3rW1ll14m Wrote:  Stay Useless

I'm so used to being useless.
The ninihilist's bliss.             //    spelling?
It's tiring trying
to be anything more than this.

I was doing just fine wasting all of my time
until I misplaced my will to live.
Never far enough away to worry,
just far enough to try a bit harder.
That's why I've buried deep into the heartstrings             //    Images never really start until here
of my friends.
Entwined myself like a cocoon             //    So far so good.
into someone new.
Someone they couldn't live without
like a failsafe, so I can feel safe.             //    I see what you're trying, but I don't think it's working.
When I break free and fail to fly
and fall into the hands
that I have helped raise up to catch me. 

Still during the fall, I'll stall.
Regress to the nothingness
that I do best and find the floor.
Where I can be nothing more than useless.             //    I do enjoy being Useless.


You have some imagery, which is good, but there are some logical errors with the images you have tried to create. For example, a failsafe is not an image or object on its own. It describes the method of failure for other mechanisms. Otherwise, it's not bad. I'd rework your failsafe lines, avoid the cheesiness of failsafe <=> feel safe, and you might be able to enhance the flying/failing images, but I'd keep that low on the priority list.
If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.

"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona
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#3
Thanks UselessBlueprint! Haha love the name. I'm going to edit it in a bit, thanks for the tips.
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#4
hi peter, got to this one late, sorry.

a nihilistic/anti nihilistic poem; for me you need to lose any word that doesn't add anything, [any useless word or line or paragraph]
try and use some imagery/simile that evokes feelings of nihilism. destroy a few things. for the thing is that for me the poem is about a nihilist not wishing to be nihilistic. it sets up a few paradoxical ideas you could delve into in a much deeper way. keep the bare bones and add more bare bones. it's a good concept.


(04-06-2019, 11:54 AM)P3t3rW1ll14m Wrote:  Stay Useless

I'm so used to being useless. is there a need for [so]?
The ninihilist's bliss. nihilist
It's tiring trying
to be anything more than this.

I was doing just fine wasting all of my time
until I misplaced my will to live.
Never far enough away to worry,
just far enough to try a bit harder. wordy so far
That's why I've buried deep into the heartstrings [i'm] or [burrowed] would be a suggestion here.
of my friends.
Entwined myself like a cocoon
into someone new.
Someone they couldn't live without
like a failsafe, so I can feel safe. a suggestion would be to add [for them] after [failsafe] to make it work a little better.
When I break free and fail to fly
and fall into the hands
that I have helped raise up to catch me. 

Still during the fall, I'll stall.
Regress to the nothingness
that I do best and find the floor.
Where I can be nothing more than useless.
Reply
#5
Thanks Billy, you have a good point about the minimalist aspect of nihilism.
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#6
I really loved the emotion behind this poem. By the end of the second stanza, it really provides deep psychological insight. Well done Smile
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