Wish
#1
I want to go back to tomorrow
with its open oceans and winds
that blow in unknown directions

instead of today, when the wind
was a voice that smothered me
and washed you away
It could be worse
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#2
Nice first line. Going back to tomorrow = living the imagined tomorrow of the past.
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#3
enjoyable if sad little piece. the last stanza shows us or me, how relationships can change
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#4
Thanks lads.
It could be worse
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#5
(10-31-2018, 05:10 AM)Leanne Wrote:  I want to go back to tomorrow
with its open oceans and winds
that blow in unknown directions

instead of today, when the wind
was a voice that smothered me
and washed you away
What a great opening, Leanne! Yesterday still has the rigidness of fixed decisions. Tomorrow has the freedom of a lottery ticket with its numbers yet to be called. I also love your use of the winds and then the wind/voice in the second strophe. Tight little piece that begins and ends well.

Nice Work.

Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
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#6
(10-31-2018, 05:10 AM)Leanne Wrote:  I want to go back to tomorrow
with its open oceans and winds
that blow in unknown directions

instead of today, when the wind
was a voice that smothered me
and washed you away
relief of the present is in the uncertainty of the future
and yet our tendency is to shovel today's hardship onto the selves of tomorrow, which ultimately produces a perpetuating effect, and prolongs suffering, lol.

I like the opener, the oxymoron (more or less) implies 'tomorrow' as a state of being or place, that one can go to for comfort
I'm not sure if twisting past & present tense was intentional, but I can't tell if changing S2 to present tense would add anything, just semantics
certified cynical pewb .
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#7
Sorry to take so long to get back here. Thank you for your comments, they're appreciated.

I've spent a little time in hospital in recent days. A few words can change a lot.
It could be worse
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#8
I like it too, Leanne :-)

I'm sorry you've been in hospital. I shan't pry, but I send my best wishes.

Ally
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#9
(10-31-2018, 05:10 AM)Leanne Wrote:  I want to go back to tomorrow
with its open oceans and winds
that blow in unknown directions

instead of today, when the wind
was a voice that smothered me
and washed you away

just suggestions: storms (or another synonym) instead of winds in L2 to avoid the repetition?
L3 might use some other adjective, cos "unknown" is already implied in "open".

your use of past tense when talking about "today"  made me think about the fact that there is no real now in the world of thoughts, instead  one always decides to look to the near or not so near future or reminisce the past (and the latter is not automatically a bad thing).
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