A hot day around the water cooler
#1
It was her turn to say it above the air bubble,
we had already agreed it was too hot to breathe
without making your top lip sweat.
Her body had melted flowers down one arm,
they wrapped around a bright blue bird,
far too still for it to be real, it rippled with each sip.

We didn’t think she was allowed
but the window opened anyway.
Closing her eyes she made the breeze
find us, lifting our dog heads
to sniff the open quarter-light,
a brief promenade, wheeled out
on fresh air computer chairs.

Salamanders scurried to her ankles
hot-boxed and dusty on prison yard feet.
Screw this heat, tweeted the blue bird,
carried by daisy-chains over the office wall.
The warders accused me of helping her escape
and confined me to a spread sheet.
Secretly I embedded a text,
just to pretend that I had.

If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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#2
I like it. And I assume there are tattoos involved or something more mysterious or specific.
Embedded is a good word. It carries connotations. Even just for pretend.
People have to pretend much of the time, to make sense of anything.
The second stanza's the best.
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#3
while i enjoyed a lot of the wording, i think i missed something.
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#4
(10-23-2018, 01:48 AM)Keith Wrote:  It was her turn to say it above the air bubble,               
we had already agreed it was too hot to breathe
without making your top lip sweat.
Her body had melted flowers down one arm,
they wrapped around a bright blue bird,
far too still for it to be real, it rippled with each sip.

We didn’t think she was allowed
but the window opened anyway.
Closing her eyes she made the breeze
find us, lifting our dog heads
to sniff the open quarter-light,
a brief promenade, wheeled out
on fresh air computer chairs.

Salamanders scurried to her ankles
hot-boxed and dusty on prison yard feet.
Screw this heat, tweeted the blue bird,
carried by daisy-chains over the office wall.
The warders accused me of helping her escape
and confined me to a spread sheet.
Secretly I embedded a text,
just to pretend that I had.

A poem narrative.   A vignette of afternoon life among the berbers and amidst the burbs with traces of real temptation beckoning you to join the heroic, and, perhaps, imagined rebel away from and out of the bureau or the office
plutocratic polyphonous pandering 
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#5
(10-23-2018, 07:50 AM)rowens Wrote:  I like it. And I assume there are tattoos involved or something more mysterious or specific.
Embedded is a good word. It carries connotations. Even just for pretend.
People have to pretend much of the time, to make sense of anything.
The second stanza's the best.

Hi Rowen
Thank you for the feedback, you seem to have the measure of this, which is encouraging, best Keith

(10-23-2018, 11:19 AM)billy Wrote:  while i enjoyed a lot of the wording, i think i missed something.

Thanks Billy, you probably didn’t Confusedhush:

(10-23-2018, 11:51 PM)Thunderembargo Wrote:  
(10-23-2018, 01:48 AM)Keith Wrote:  It was her turn to say it above the air bubble,               
we had already agreed it was too hot to breathe
without making your top lip sweat.
Her body had melted flowers down one arm,
they wrapped around a bright blue bird,
far too still for it to be real, it rippled with each sip.

We didn’t think she was allowed
but the window opened anyway.
Closing her eyes she made the breeze
find us, lifting our dog heads
to sniff the open quarter-light,
a brief promenade, wheeled out
on fresh air computer chairs.

Salamanders scurried to her ankles
hot-boxed and dusty on prison yard feet.
Screw this heat, tweeted the blue bird,
carried by daisy-chains over the office wall.
The warders accused me of helping her escape
and confined me to a spread sheet.
Secretly I embedded a text,
just to pretend that I had.

A poem narrative.   A vignette of afternoon life among the berbers and amidst the burbs with traces of real temptation beckoning you to join the heroic, and, perhaps, imagined rebel away from and out of the bureau or the office
Hi Thunderembago
Judging by your summary the poem seems to come across ok, so I’ll take that. Thank you, Keith

If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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