Warm Water
#1
Warm Water

It's our Anniversary
and I'm brushing my teeth
before we toss the twins in the tub
and run to your mother's.

In the mirror I see you
at the foot of our bed
with your hands in the pockets
of the pants I wore 
to the pub last night.

I can't see your face
so there's no telling 
if you're snooping 
or just getting some laundry together.

There's a receipt in my jacket
that could ruin everything
but the jacket needs to be dry cleaned 
and we don't have time for that today.

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#2
Woah love this one, it is very interesting and mysterious, and a very realistic depiction of everyday life. Thanks much for the poem!
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
--mark twain
Rob Cave
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#3
(05-31-2018, 04:51 AM)Bunx Wrote:  Woah love this one, it is very interesting and mysterious, and a very realistic depiction of everyday life. Thanks much for the poem!

Thanks for reading and for your comments, Bunx. I'm pleased with the "mysterious" remark because I was attempting to raise questions- then deliberately not answer them. Not today.  

Paul

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#4
Good poem  Smile. My first (and second and third) reaction was wanting to smack the N upside his head for putting his own desires and habits before the need of the babes for a intact family but eventually I realized there was a chance the receipt was for a lovely surprise anniversary gift, tricky poem.

L3 is lovely, S2 a clear image, "snooping" in S3 is where the idea of guilt came in, why should a happy young mother have to snoop? Then the N being willing to "ruin everything" pissed me off, it took me a while to give him the benefit of the doubt. So, good poem, thanks for the read. Smile


(05-30-2018, 03:55 PM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  Warm Water

It's our Anniversary
and I'm brushing my teeth
before we toss the twins in the tub
and run to your mother's.

In the mirror I see you
at the foot of our bed
with your hands in the pockets
of the pants I wore 
to the pub last night.

I can't see your face
so there's no telling 
if you're snooping 
or just getting some laundry together.

There's a receipt in my jacket
that could ruin everything
but the jacket needs to be dry cleaned 
and we don't have time for that today.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips

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#5
(06-03-2018, 07:48 PM)ellajam Wrote:  Good poem  Smile. My first (and second and third) reaction was wanting to smack the N upside his head for putting his own desires and habits before the need of the babes for a intact family but eventually I realized there was a chance the receipt was for a lovely surprise anniversary gift, tricky poem. (I think "Warm Water" was too subtle a nudge.)

L3 is lovely, S2 a clear image, "snooping" in S3 is where the idea of guilt came in, why should a happy young mother have to snoop? Then the N being willing to "ruin everything" pissed me off, it took me a while to give him the benefit of the doubt. So, good poem, thanks for the read. Smile

I wanted to leave out context and give the readers some options. I'm now thinking "In Warm Water" might do more work.

Thanks for the read, and overreactions reactions.  big hug


(05-30-2018, 03:55 PM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  Warm Water

It's our Anniversary
and I'm brushing my teeth
before we toss the twins in the tub
and run to your mother's.

In the mirror I see you
at the foot of our bed
with your hands in the pockets
of the pants I wore 
to the pub last night.

I can't see your face
so there's no telling 
if you're snooping 
or just getting some laundry together.

There's a receipt in my jacket
that could ruin everything
but the jacket needs to be dry cleaned 
and we don't have time for that today.

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