Miss Propagandist
#1
Miss Propagandist
In Memory of Mrs. Stanley,
Stateswoman to the Cross, who said:
"Girls, never forget who you are."



I was in charge of morale,
the one to make the bright posters
for every entry wall.

The challenge wasn't just in sketching women
suited to battle,
those comfitted in shiny chest plates
or the crested bucklers they held,

it wasn't the difficulty of hands
grasping powerful swords,
those images, a cinch.

It was the marriage
of my own hand and heart I sought,
asking God's Spirit, longing
through worn erasers and coloured pens

expressions of bravery
determination on the faces
of what I knew to be worn troops led,
hearts burdened by lost or spineless men.

These placards were to be viewed by the multitudes
as balms of valor, spirit of fortitude, a resolve
for those falling to the irony of doves
and the filthiness of ivory.

Sisters and comrades graced
in moments of confidence
to carry on through wars of death
created by an evil that seeks only our destruction.

Propagandists are born everyday to take our place,
there's no stopping us, really,
poets and artists will forever proclaim
their membership in God's kingdom:

the Everlasting Kingdom
a kingdom that offers free sword
buckler, armor, to all who ask.
Most importantly, eternal life
to whosoever.

Perhaps one day, unknown to you,
your own expression will be captured,
drawn by a sister you never met
pushing others along, through such
The Battle Raging, as this.



John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten son,
that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.











Original

I was in charge of morale,
the one to make the bright posters
for every entry wall.

The challenge wasn't just in sketching women
suited to battle,
those comfitted in shiny chest plates
or the crested bucklers they held,

it wasn't the difficulty of hands
grasping powerful swords,
those images, a cinch.

It was the marriage
of my own hand and heart I sought,
asking The Spirit, longing
through worn erasers and coloured pens

expressions of bravery
determination on the faces
of what I knew to be worn troops led,
hearts burdened by lost or spineless men.

These placards were to be viewed by the multitudes
as balms of valor, spirit of fortitude, a resolve
for those falling to the irony of doves
and the filthiness of ivory.

Sisters and comrades graced
in moments of confidence
to carry on through wars of death
created by an evil that seeks only our destruction.

Propagandists are Borne everyday to take our place,
there's no stopping us, really,
poets and artists will forever proclaim
their membership in God's Kingdom:

the Everlasting Kingdom
a Kingdom that offers free Sword
buckler, armor, to all who ask.
Most importantly, Eternal Life
to whosover.

Perhaps one day, unknown to you,
your own expression will be captured,
drawn by a sister you never met
pushing others along, through such a
Raging Battle, as this.





* * * * * * *
In memorial to Mrs. Stanley
Stateswoman to the Cross
who always said,
"Girls, never forget who you are..."



"For God so loved the world,
that He gave His only begotten Son,
that whosoever believeth in him,
should not perish, but have everlasting life."
John 3:16
there's always a better reason to love
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#2
Quite a ride, there.  Moderns would assume the work is cynical or sarcastic until it becomes evident it's all of a piece and sincere.  Ultra-moderns would never budge from that assumption, against all evidence.  Non-moderns would recall that "propaganda" began as proselytizing or missionary work, it being the material to be disseminated; the cynical connotation came later (though not *much* later).

See also "nose art" of warplanes back before PC.  Never *quite* obscene since that would have dishonored the ship instead of empowering it.

Elegantly done.
feedback award Non-practicing atheist
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#3
(03-10-2018, 07:16 AM)dukealien Wrote:  Quite a ride, there.  Moderns would assume the work is cynical or sarcastic until it becomes evident it's all of a piece and sincere.  Ultra-moderns would never budge from that assumption, against all evidence.  Non-moderns would recall that "propaganda" began as proselytizing or missionary work, it being the material to be disseminated; the cynical connotation came later (though not *much* later).

See also "nose art" of warplanes back before PC.  Never *quite* obscene since that would have dishonored the ship instead of empowering it.

Elegantly done.




Thank you for considering my poem and reading all the way through.
I had an opportunity to speak with a modern day nose art artist at
Willow Run who was painting in a hangar and that whole day was
wonderful. I need to get to the new museum they built there. Of course
this poem was about a different war, but I think you understand the
whole of it. Thanks again for reading my poem, liking it, and commenting.

-nibbed
there's always a better reason to love
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#4
Hi nibbed,
I think duke has it when he said 'sincere',
and because of that, an interesting read.
For me it loses its way around S7-9, or
rather it loses the 'I' who begins the piece.
I've done a bit of 'cut n pasting' to show
where/how I think you might tighten it.


Miss Propagandist
great title.

I was in charge of morale,
perfect in tone,
following on from the title.
the one to make the bright posters
for every entry wall.
[and something else?
also, what's an 'entry wall'?]

The challenge wasn't in sketching
women suited to battle,
comfitted in shiny [breast] plates
[n]or the crested bucklers they held,

it wasn't the difficulty of hands
grasping powerful swords,
[the] expressions of bravery
determination on the faces
(these two lines seem a little flat,
lacking detail)

[that] I knew to be worn troops
led by lost or spineless men.
hearts burdened [and something else?]
those images, a cinch.
('cinch' seems almost flippant)

(Why doesn't this start with 'but'?)
It was the marriage
of my own hand and heart I sought,
asking The Spirit, longing
('longing through'?)
through worn erasers and coloured pens

These placards were to be viewed
by the multitudes as balms of valor,
(is 'balm' right? - 'balms of valor' seems an odd phrase)
spirit of fortitude, a resolve
for those falling to the irony of doves
and the filthiness of ivory.

Sisters and comrades graced
in moments of confidence
to carry on through wars of death
created by an evil that seeks only our destruction.
[not really convinced you need these two stanzas -
for instance 'the placards...valor' could be viewed
as simply rephrasing the opening stanza.
Also the I at the beginning of the piece has,
it seems to me, all but disappeared.]

Propagandists are Borne everyday
(think you've the wrong 'borne' here)
there's no stopping us, really,
poets and artists will forever proclaim
their membership in God's Kingdom:

the Everlasting Kingdom
a Kingdom that offers free Sword
buckler, armor, to all who ask.
Most importantly, Eternal Life
to whosover.
[Not convinced by the last six lines,
again, where is 'I'?]

Perhaps one day, unknown to you,
your own expression will be captured,
drawn by a sister you never met
pushing others along, through such a
'pushing others along' is a bit weak
(in comparison to the rest of the verse)
Raging Battle, as this.
Maybe rework as:
Perhaps one day you will be captured,
[you likeness] drawn by a sister you never met
pushing others along, through
such a Raging Battle, as this.


To me there seems to be a switch from 'Propagandist'
as champion to the more conventional 'propagating'
meaning, and I'm not sure it is successful.
I wanted to know more about the person who begins
the piece.

Best, Knot.
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#5
thank you, Sir Knot


I appreciate your comments. I guess I should try to make it clearer. It was about a fond memory decades ago, poster making as encouragement for a group of Christian ladies, sisters and friends. The posters were to advertise an upcoming Christian ladies retreat that was given the theme"The Battle is Raging", hosted by my Pastor's wife at the time, who has left this earth. I was trying to illustrate women in a battlefield, and had difficulty drawing the expression I was looking for: determination, strength, and bravery. Through prayer I was able to achieve it, along with other posters that expressed a more whimsical nature. The retreat was a success and a blessing. I was a young mother, with much to do, finding help and encouragement around other moms and elder ladies who could give advice. We learned many things and it helped to strengthen us, teaching how to manage our homes and keep our families healthy and happy. It was completely centered around Jesus Christ and what the Bible says about all those things.  Admittedly when I wrote this I was a bit misty thinking about a dear lady who was a great blessing in my life. I know it is likely exclusive. Thank you for being kind to consider it.


-nibbed
there's always a better reason to love
Reply
#6
M'Lady.

I must confess I didn't get the 'Ladies Retreat' but rather saw preparations for an anti-war protest of some sort, though the fondness of the memory is clear enough; but I think I'll stand by what I said about the disappearance of the narrator. I can't see the 'young mother finding help and encouragement' - but I would have liked to. She seems to have been lost under the weight of the 'proclamation'.

Knot, in obeisance.
Reply
#7
brief notes (hopefully will get into this later, but right now well-cooked oats buzz me):
decrease capitalized words -- it's an archaism-like that doesn't fit the free verse. the only ones i think should be left are God's Kingdom and Spirit (but, for Spirit, not The, since even the good book doesn't capitalize that).
the dedication should be in prose. i read it as part of the poem, which considering the subject matter is justified. you could also do what a lot of stylists do, and make it briefer, then slot it right beneath the title, so as to give the Bible verse some room.
and speaking of the Bible verse: it feels a little cheap. i would have chosen St. Paul's words on the arms of good Christians, but that would be too obvious. so something else, perhaps, something that's directly tied to the evangelical spirit (fishers of men?) or commemorative wistfulness (firmament of saints) of the piece (but, again, not too directly connected).
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#8
Hi nibbed.

An interesting piece and you obviously enjoyed your day at Willow Run enormously.

I have just one area that I thought I might draw attention to, in the following 2s section:

It was the marriage 
of my own hand and heart I sought, 
asking The Spirit, longing
through worn erasers and coloured pens 

expressions of bravery 
determination on the faces 
of what I knew to be worn troops led, 
hearts burdened by lost or spineless men.

The above is a single sentence and in the penultimate line (L3 of S2) I can't reconcile the word 'led' within the sentence statement.

For what it's worth.

Cheers,


Frank
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#9
Hi RiverNotch.

I thought the The looked wrong. Thank you for mentioning it! I will have to play around with what you said because it seems to make much sense. I like your idea about the verse, too. I chose John 3:16 because it was my very first memory verse (when I was 11) and I thought about Mrs. Stanley's words never forget who you are and the verse in 2 Timothy 3:15 that says: And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.16 All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:17 That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.

Not sure if I will change the Scripture part, but I will look into it, it certainly got me to thinking!
Thank you so much for your kind consideration and helping me shape up the work!
-nibbed




Hi Frank.

Yes, it was a nice visit and full of surprises. It was more than a few years ago. I went after I heard the museum had burned. I was sad when I learned the big billows of smoke I watched from my back porch was the old museum going up in flames. I saved some coins in a jar purposing in my heart to donate them towards a new museum and once it was full I headed off to see if I could enter the area and ask if there were new efforts to rebuild. I felt like a goofy kid that day taking a jar of coins. The curator was happy to receive my meager contribution and showed me tables of newly donated artifacts. Folks had brought in many items and the curator seemed positive the museum would be better than ever. I was kindly given a grand tour of the area. It was special.

I will definitely eliminate led. It felt right when I wrote it, but your bringing it into light made me see it isn't right, thank you! It was very kind of you taking the time to read and critique my poem. I really appreciate it!
-nibbed
there's always a better reason to love
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