To the Casual Observer
#1
The Casual Observer

Angel 
angel 
angel 
angel
look at you suffering

look at the peculiar baskets
you plop your eggs in

look at yourself

falling 
like the rest of them
into the killer whale tank
and me behind the glass

look at the fluoride-white teeth
biting you in the ass 

and me behind the glass
and me behind the glass
and me behind the glass

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#2
Brilliant.
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#3
Works beautifully for me, its sincerity has a reflective surface. Smile
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#4
(01-06-2018, 07:52 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  The Casual Observer

Angel 
angel 
angel 
angel
look at you suffering

look at the peculiar baskets
you plop your eggs in

look at yourself

falling 
like the rest of them
into the killer whale tank
and me behind the glass

look at the fluoride-white teeth
biting you in the ass 

and me behind the glass
and me behind the glass
and me behind the glass


this is haunting.

don´t want to soil other interpretations, so:


maybe i am so far off that it´s offensive to your poem but this made me think of chicken mass production (both eggs and meat).. battery cages, CO2-tanks to suffocate them before processing  and sending their parts to supermarkets where they are exposed in fridges with glass doors.

...
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#5
(01-06-2018, 07:52 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  The Casual Observer 
                                         I'm not sure "Casual" really fits the title.
Angel 
angel 
angel 
angel
look at you suffering             this seems to indicate the speaker is caring

look at the peculiar baskets
you plop your eggs in

look at yourself

falling 
like the rest of them
into the killer whale tank
and me behind the glass

look at the fluoride-white teeth
biting you in the ass                       this seems to indicate the speaker is not caring at all

and me behind the glass                 and these following lines...
and me behind the glass
and me behind the glass


WOAH! Am I wrong to read the speaker is obsessive and arrogant or is the speaker someone who really cares?
VERY Interesting how it can be read both ways...




-nibbed
there's always a better reason to love
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#6
Thanks for reading and commenting, guys.
Sorry Vagabond, no chickens were harmed...
@ Nibbed, you're somewhat right about the title.
Thanks,
Paul

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#7
good for the imaginary chickens.. it´s still haunting.
...
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#8
I like the title because it makes me think of the observer paradox. I also like the use of repetition (especially look), the specific choices such as killer whale tank, flouride-white teeth, and the effective ending.

The observer sees suffering and by using a sea world motif--the observer contributes to the suffering.

Nicely done!
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
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#9
its slightly repetitive and feel and could be a bit more descriptive
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#10
Once again, one of the best poems I've read on the site.
(01-06-2018, 07:52 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  The Casual Observer

Angel 
angel 
angel 
angel Is the loss of capitalization intended for effect? If so, I salute you, sir. Either way, I'm going to borrow this idea shamelessly someday.
look at you suffering

look at the peculiar baskets
you plop your eggs in Hopes and aspirations in doomed prospects?

look at yourself

falling 
like the rest of them
into the killer whale tank
and me behind the glass

look at the fluoride-white teeth
biting you in the ass 

and me behind the glass
and me behind the glass
and me behind the glass And doing nothing. Maybe having some popcorn. This really brings out all the nuances of being a "casual" obsever.
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