Home, after the first shower of monsoon
#1
Home, after the first shower of monsoon

V1.1:

Fading petrichor
Steaming puddles
Virgin mud
 
Streaking brown bodies
Blazing heavens
Dazed insects
 
Drowsy grandfathers
Undead mosquitoes
Buttery toots


Original:
Fading petrichor
Steaming puddles
Virgin mud
 
Streaking brown bodies
Blazing heavens
Dazed insects
 
Drowsy grandfathers
Mosquito repellents
Buttery toots
The Chronicles of Lethargia
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#2
Did you mean ‘buttery toast’?
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#3
Nope, farts.
The Chronicles of Lethargia
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#4
(12-24-2017, 02:11 AM)Radetof.Yahska Wrote:  Nope, farts.

Ghee   gee, i wouldn´t have realized that without explanation.
the first stanza is my favourite  with petrichor and virgin mud
...
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#5
You had me at ghee.
The Chronicles of Lethargia
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#6
(12-23-2017, 08:30 AM)Radetof.Yahska Wrote:  Home, after the first shower of monsoon


Fading petrichor
Steaming puddles
Virgin mud
 
Streaking brown bodies
Blazing heavens
Dazed insects
 
Drowsy grandfathers
Mosquito repellants  // fix the syllables here; it should be 4 in DA-dum DA-dum pattern. try 'Killed Mosquitos'
Buttery toots
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#7
But the mosquitoes are the opposite of dead. Even the damned repellents don't work.

Made a change.
The Chronicles of Lethargia
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#8
This poem has mosquitoes, humidity and mud. It makes me feel I need a fan to sleep, a lot of deodorants and a bunch of clean and dried clothes and blankets.
I like it. they are so tropical letters.
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#9
loved it, i too thought you meant toast but i should have recognised you meant farts, i stroke of near genius. Smile

and let's remember folks, this is the for fun forum. something i got a fair bit of with this pearl.
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