Out the Window
#1
Out the Window
 
I was dreaming of church bells,
 
(probably because it had gotten to be a gale outside
and the wind chime out the window
was playing jazz)
 
a wedding
I think—
 
I'd remember a wake.

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#2
(12-13-2017, 04:17 PM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  Out the Window
 
I was dreaming of church bells,
 
(probably because it had gotten to be a gale outside this line's too clumsy for me
and the wind chime out the window wind chimes, as I don't think a wind chime's enough to produce any sound, or at least any sound approaching jazz
was playing jazz) 
 
a wedding
I think— we hear church bells here everyday -- that said, we live only a couple of blocks away from a cathedral, but still. then again, "dreaming", but there's something about how church bells have far more uses than these two events at the end that bothers me: I feel like something far more specific should be used
 
I'd remember a wake.
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#3
Hi Tiger,

Really like the opening line, evocative and engaging, but...

I don't understand why the majority of the poem is parenthetical.
Nor why it ends on a pun.
In addition to the points RiverNotch has made about wind chimes,
a 'gale' suggests a lot of noise, perhaps even sufficient to drown
out the chimes.

For me the first line sets up expectations that the poem doesn't meet.

Best, Knot.
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#4
audiobook 
(12-13-2017, 04:17 PM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  Out the Window
 
I was dreaming of church bells,
 
(probably because it had gotten to be a gale outside
and the wind chime out the window
was playing jazz)
 
a wedding
I think—
 
I'd remember a wake.

i thought there´s a very subtle dread in this.. the wake would be remembered because of its impact in meaning. in that context the part in the parentheses seems to describe more than just weather.
your poem made me think of "for whom the bell tolls" (no,  not the metallica song) and google this phrases origin by john donne.
thanks for posting.
...
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#5
Out the Window
 
I was dreaming of church bells,
 
(probably because it had gotten to be a gale outside
and the wind chime out the window
was playing jazz)                                                              
 
a wedding
I think—
 
I'd remember a wake.






Hi, Tiger The Lion~
Why not...


Out the Window



I was dreaming of church bells
(maybe it was really just that gale outside
playing jazz with my wind chime)

or a wedding;

I'd remember a wake.
there's always a better reason to love
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