calendar (edit)
#1
calendar days   

it´s hard to celebrate today,
when yesterdays are cast in sky
the clouds out there are paralyzed
and have not even happened yet.
our little house, it is so safe
i want to tear away.

the calendar that strains to paint each day anew
was struck by lightning long ago.
the pattern, burned among the numbers,
shimmers through with each leaf ripped.
its voltage seems to tickle skin,
my features turn mechanical.

you say look,
the sky is green
today.




calendar days

it´s hard to celebrate today,
when yesterday,
it has not even happened yet.
the pretty clouds are paralyzed  
and cast in sky
to form the storm that never comes
into our little house, so safe
i want to tear away.

the calendar was struck by lightning long ago,
its pattern burned among the numbers,
shimmering through with each leaf ripped.
its voltage seems to tickle skin,
my features turn mechanical,
awaiting current.

you say look,
the sky is green
today.




i would be happy to know if this transports some image/ meaning.
any off/on topic remark as well as criticism, harsh or mild, is welcomed
...
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#2
calendar days

it´s hard to celebrate today,   (possibly punctuation different at end of line... ie semicolon or dash for a longer pause)
when yesterday,
it has not even happened yet.  (hmmm like always tomorrow in australia or such  ...maybe ...'yesterday,  today has not even'.... to clarify ur talking about the day, not the wild piss-up with your bestie)
the pretty clouds are paralyzed   (sp - paralysed)
and cast in sky  (neat alliteration here and pleasing paralysation and resultant plaster cast)
to form the storm that never comes   (OOOOOH noice ooooohs)
into our little house, so safe
i want to tear away.  (capital I????)

the calendar was struck by lightning long ago,
its pattern burned among the numbers,  (perhaps...'the bolt burned among' for a bit of alliteration?)
shimmering through with each leaf ripped. (surely lightening burns calender pages, doesn't rip em possibly  delete 'with' and replace 'leaf ripped' with 'ashen page'? so 'shimmering through  each ashen page')
its voltage seems to tickle skin,  ('charge' to replace 'voltage' may be more alliterative with this and following two lines)
my features turn mechanical,
awaiting current.

you say look,
the sky is green
today.


a little emo and a bit pychadelic at the end, bad trip man etc....  sounds a bit like suburban yawnville, but related and enjoyed
cheers for the read
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