The Unhappiness about how kids don't go trick or treating here anymore
#1
They banned trick or treating around here/because they said it's more dangerous than/it used to be./But how is it more dangerous?/A kid used to leave the house/to go trick or treating/and come back when he got done./ / Now you drive to the house,/and put a telephone in the kid's hand/and watch him walk up to the door/with a telephone in his hand,/and how is it more dangerous than it used to be?
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#2
maybe in a world with less trust and more fear things tend to become more dangerous.. sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
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#3
Hi Rowens
The and in the last line seems out of place, I understand the premise and in someways agree with your sentiment however I also think that children in general find a way to be children, in spite of the social constraints they live with today. If you're looking to work this statement then a setting and examples would be good. Best Keith

If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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#4
Hi rowens.
I agree with Keith and vagabond.
I thought maybe you might consider
tightening up the poem a bit.

Something like:


They banned trick or treating around here/because they said it's more dangerous than/it used to be./But how is it more dangerous?/A kid used to leave the house/to go trick or treating/and come back when he got done./ / Now you drive to the house,/and put a telephone in the kid's hand/and watch him walk up to the door/with a telephone in his hand,/and how is it more dangerous than it used to be?


Best regards,

nibbed
Janine Burke
there's always a better reason to love

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#5
i love this. i don't care if this doesn't quite gel thoughtwise -- the circularity and abundance of (seemingly) redundant words give it an air of anxiety that works beautifully with the sentiment. there's an almost paranoid hint that it may be the fact that the kids have telephones in their hands that make the situation more dangerous -- i feel a tiny bit more elaboration, perhaps a tweaking of the title, might do (with a lesser note on the title being that, if you are to keep it, maybe 'of' instead of about. i also don't think there should be a slash dividing 'than it used to be', both to make the read smoother and the poem more circuitous.  
(09-03-2017, 12:54 PM)rowens Wrote:  They banned trick or treating around here/because they said it's more dangerous than/it used to be./But how is it more dangerous?/A kid used to leave the house/to go trick or treating/and come back when he got done./ / Now you drive to the house,/and put a telephone in the kid's hand/and watch him walk up to the door/with a telephone in his hand,/and how is it more dangerous than it used to be?
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#6
I wrote something longer on why Halloween is important. It's longer than this, but still more of a short essay than a poem. When I have conversations with people, I bring this up and people seem to be confused. I figured if these simple prose-like statements seem so strange to the people I say them to then I could just say it as a poem. Say it as a poem without even adding much poetry.

The longer version in my notebook, I can add it on. Me explaining why I feel Halloween is as important as Easter, and why its traditions should be taken seriously. Halloween is supposed to be dangerous.
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