Love Tank
#1
Love Tank

Comrade
after comrade,

has lost
to the shovel

of someone
more desireable.

Love's reservoir,
once beamed full

from bubbling fountains
given in childhood,

bursted forth goodness
the precious fuel of kindness:

a powerful light,
blasting away darkness thick,

causing the excitement
of spontaneous affection,

sadly, finding itself 
emptied over time

left ignored,
rusty and dry.

Now even oil can't cover
echoes of lonely droplets;

as reality duals truth,
only an empty tank is left to blame.

Waiting in silence,
cloistered in hope,

she wonders how
it will ever be filled again,

pleading her heart to the Only One
who's expert at filling it.




*inspired in part by:
The 5 Love Languages
written by Gary Chapman
there's always a better reason to love
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#2
(08-03-2017, 11:19 AM)nibbed Wrote:  Love Tank

Comrade
after comrade,

has lost
to the shovel

of someone
more desireable.

Love's reservoir,
once beamed full

from bubbling fountains
given in childhood,

bursted forth goodness
the precious fuel of kindness:

a powerful light,
blasting away darkness thick,

causing the excitement
of spontaneous affection,

sadly, finding itself 
emptied over time

left ignored,
rusty and dry.

Now even oil can't cover
echoes of lonely droplets;

as reality duals truth,
only an empty tank is left to blame.

Waiting in silence,
cloistered in hope,

she wonders how
it will ever be filled again,

pleading her heart to the Only One
who's expert at filling it.




*inspired in part by:
The 5 Love Languages
written by Gary Chapman

Resisting the temptation to conduct a line-by-line here.  The overall message is clear, but I find some parts (such as the first three couplets) and some word choices opaque or puzzling.  Other word choices are arresting and effective, such as "pleading her heart to..." and "cloistered in hope."  But  "beaming" a tank full is elusive:  Star Trek(sm)?  How *does* the love tank become full in childhood?  Pumping isn't it - more like watering a plant, filling up like a cactus, or an old-time rain barrel filling up during gentle rain.

There's also some ambiguity about who or what is being discussed:  sometimes it's the person of whom the tank is a sort of emotional organ (who pleads and also has a heart), at others it's the tank itself, personified.

I like this as a rumination and expression.  Thanks for posting it!
feedback award Non-practicing atheist
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#3
hi dukealien  Smile

beaming I suppose was an attempt to describe the light of love overflowing in a tank and all
that joy, full of smiles and goodness. I like how you said filling up like a cactus! That's a good
illustration!

the reference to childhood is how a child is given love outpoured by adults who
protect, love, and care for them, how it fills their love tank and as they enter
adulthood they are filled to the brim with plenty of love to share. Smile

thank you so much for responding to my poem

nibbed
there's always a better reason to love
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