Splitting the Void of Expectant Mercury
#1
The pleasure of inevitable victory under the cloud-ripped Sky
gleaming......the Eye of zeus
no longer anxious to inspect the splitting void of expectant Mercury

Setting the ways of anthropocentric man
holographed and mezmerized by new dispelling spells
de-mything myths, unmythizable
or anthropomorphic
and shielded no more 
by his ray-splitting burden
signalled by the fire
on shields of bronze

A punk-canvas and relief
relief of the burden
and relieved by the burden
a load of toxins and thorns, bristle and fence
worked against the great canopy of the gods
through vacant worry, aching body and stretchless anxiety
the songless sparrow offers his sweet parody of song

his mockery
just as the mockingbird, in relief of morning
and with morning song
mocks those birds
who've forgotten to sing
the golden finch
finching some new melody of pinched flowers

"Go Now, the Victory is Ours!" He finches or parodies
"Hunger No More!" He quails. "The Bread of the Lord has fallen
from all fears."

You were right to claim the victory.
Now and forevermore.
Lest Nevermore, be the black flight of the Raven, blotting out the
Sun.
And our rightful Forevermore.

Parting ways with the Blackbirds Blue
and the swords that hue
"Go from this Wasteland. This tragic heap of remorse. Or even worse.
A Remorseless Mule you Shall Be."

There shall be no tragedies on the moon.
or tragedies few

Returning from battle with your sheild in hand
Set it next your spear and indelible hand
Sew new sprigs on the moon or the State of Mars
Grip this peace with my song in your Ear
Chanting the future as it beats at the Drum. 
plutocratic polyphonous pandering 
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#2
(08-01-2017, 04:37 AM)Thunderembargo Wrote:  The pleasure of inevitable victory under the cloud-ripped Sky
gleaming......the Eye of zeus
no longer anxious to inspect the splitting void of expectant Mercury

Setting the ways of anthropocentric man
holographed and mezmerized by new dispelling spells
de-mything myths, unmythizable
or anthropomorphic
and shielded no more 
by his ray-splitting burden
signalled by the fire
on shields of bronze

A punk-canvas and relief
relief of the burden
and relieved by the burden
a load of toxins and thorns, bristle and fence
worked against the great canopy of the gods
through vacant worry, aching body and stretchless anxiety
the songless sparrow offers his sweet parody of song

his mockery
just as the mockingbird, in relief of morning
and with morning song
mocks those birds
who've forgotten to sing
the golden finch
finching some new melody of pinched flowers

"Go Now, the Victory is Ours!" He finches or parodies
"Hunger No More!" He quails. "The Bread of the Lord has fallen
from all fears."

You were right to claim the victory.
Now and forevermore.
Lest Nevermore, be the black flight of the Raven, blotting out the
Sun.
And our rightful Forevermore.

Parting ways with the Blackbirds Blue
and the swords that hue
"Go from this Wasteland. This tragic heap of remorse. Or even worse.
A Remorseless Mule you Shall Be."

There shall be no tragedies on the moon.
or tragedies few

Returning from battle with your sheild in hand
Set it next your spear and indelible hand
Sew new sprigs on the moon or the State of Mars
Grip this peace with my song in your Ear
Chanting the future as it beats at the Drum. 

Though critique was not requested, a few niggles:  unless they were meant (which is certainly possible) I tripped over "sheild", "hue" for "hew" (unless this refers to blue steel in the previous line) and "mezmerized" for "mesmerized."  And why not capitalize "[Z]eus?"

With that out of the way, this is quite fun.  Internal rhyme by repeating the same word is unusual and doesn't always work here, but has its points.

Liked "Sew new sprigs on the moon or the State of Mars."  Couldn't help mentally replacing "Sew" with "Sow."  Many similarly interesting turns of phrase.

In short, a challenging and enjoyable read.  Thanks for posting.
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#3
You sure do use many 'of's'- I think the final stanza is the only one without an 'of', and some have two or three - even four ...
Poetry can be dangerous, especially beautiful poetry, because it gives the illusion of having had the experience without actually going through it.

~ Rumi
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#4
(08-01-2017, 08:00 AM)dukealien Wrote:  
(08-01-2017, 04:37 AM)Thunderembargo Wrote:  The pleasure of inevitable victory under the cloud-ripped Sky
gleaming......the Eye of zeus
no longer anxious to inspect the splitting void of expectant Mercury

Setting the ways of anthropocentric man
holographed and mezmerized by new dispelling spells
de-mything myths, unmythizable
or anthropomorphic
and shielded no more 
by his ray-splitting burden
signalled by the fire
on shields of bronze

A punk-canvas and relief
relief of the burden
and relieved by the burden
a load of toxins and thorns, bristle and fence
worked against the great canopy of the gods
through vacant worry, aching body and stretchless anxiety
the songless sparrow offers his sweet parody of song

his mockery
just as the mockingbird, in relief of morning
and with morning song
mocks those birds
who've forgotten to sing
the golden finch
finching some new melody of pinched flowers

"Go Now, the Victory is Ours!" He finches or parodies
"Hunger No More!" He quails. "The Bread of the Lord has fallen
from all fears."

You were right to claim the victory.
Now and forevermore.
Lest Nevermore, be the black flight of the Raven, blotting out the
Sun.
And our rightful Forevermore.

Parting ways with the Blackbirds Blue
and the swords that hue
"Go from this Wasteland. This tragic heap of remorse. Or even worse.
A Remorseless Mule you Shall Be."

There shall be no tragedies on the moon.
or tragedies few

Returning from battle with your sheild in hand
Set it next your spear and indelible hand
Sew new sprigs on the moon or the State of Mars
Grip this peace with my song in your Ear
Chanting the future as it beats at the Drum. 

Though critique was not requested, a few niggles:  unless they were meant (which is certainly possible) I tripped over "sheild", "hue" for "hew" (unless this refers to blue steel in the previous line) and "mezmerized" for "mesmerized."  And why not capitalize "[Z]eus?"

With that out of the way, this is quite fun.  Internal rhyme by repeating the same word is unusual and doesn't always work here, but has its points.

Liked "Sew new sprigs on the moon or the State of Mars."  Couldn't help mentally replacing "Sew" with "Sow."  Many similarly interesting turns of phrase.

In short, a challenging and enjoyable read.  Thanks for posting.

all good editing,  my spellin' is often lacking.   However, I have to think about changing mezmerized given the context of the word, we are being "mesmerized" by DISPELLING SPELLS afterall
plutocratic polyphonous pandering 
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